I should add to that, “If they can keep down any intake at all.” I know there are people who are immobilized who also can’t keep down any food or water, and they do frequently lose lots of weight. They are also, in most cases, even more desperately ill than immobilized people who can eat or drink.

I absolutely agree that she HAD to take action so that she could stay alive, ad actually *live*, instead of becoming a veggie fused to her bed with her mother taking care of her for the rest of her (probably considerably shorter) life.

Charli, I agree with just about everything else you’ve said in your comment, but I think one of the reasons that it is so hard to talk about Heidi’s scenario honestly is that I think it involves both fat acceptance and disability. While I totally see where you’re coming from in the above quote, I do think it sounds a bit able-ist (I’m not trying to call you out! just pointing to a pattern I’ve seen in certain well wishers out there). People can and do have fulfilling lives despite mobility issues and dependence on caretakers. Our society doesn’t make it easy, but Heidi would not be a “veggie” by any means — and even if she was, she’d still deserve our welcome and respect. That’s not to say that she shouldn’t do whatever’s in her power to retain more independence — just that being immobile in itself does not have to be a death sentence.

That said, what I think comes through so clearly in Heidi’s SP post is that she is in constant pain. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never been in constant pain, and I have no idea what decisions I’d make to try to alleviate that — I might get a very risky surgery too. I imagine I would. That’s another reason I support Heidi in her decision — if she can get respite from that pain, then she should.

The issues of fat and disability are really tangled up in our culture, and Heidi’s scenario is one that makes it even more difficult to sort out. I just wanted to point out that it’s not the fact of immobility that is so poignant here, at least to me; it’s the pain, shame, and fear that Heidi experiences every day that is heartbreaking.

fashionablenerd, great post!

Heidi was being tortured. Constantly. By her own body. I don’t think almost anybody can understand that (I know of a few exceptions, but still). I absolutely agree that she HAD to take action so that she could stay alive, ad actually *live*, instead of becoming a veggie fused to her bed with her mother taking care of her for the rest of her (probably considerably shorter) life.

Now, if she had chosen that, I would also support her, but I do know that, as a fiercely independent woman, I would hate it, and I would opt for the surgery as well. The poor woman is stuck between a rock and a hard place right now, and she has been handling the situation with the utmost grace and humanity, I believe.

Kell, I send you my positive thoughts as well. I have often been in the position of feeling ostracized from my own community because of my rather radical viewpoints. I know it can be extremely difficult and gut-wrenching to have to tell all those around you that you really must disagree. I feel for you, because I know you’ll probably get some, if not a lot, of hate mail.

On the flip side, though, I do believe that you definitely misdirected your anger and frustration, and that perhaps this will be a good time for you to get your mind sorted out to talk about this stuff in a slightly more rational (and humane) manner.

We’ll all be here for both of you, Heidi and Kell, when you come back! Can’t wait for it!

In my mind, everyone is free to do to their body as they wish. We were given these bodies, for better or worse, and we have to decide how to live comfortably in them. It seems to me as though Heidi had an impossible choice. I can not imagine a life where I can not get up and move any time I wish. I can not imagine not having the strength to care for myself. I can not imagine all the pain that must be associated with that. And I can not imagine telling anyone that they shouldn’t try as hard as hell to escape it, because I know that if it were me, I would certainly be looking for a way out.

I may not agree with the idea of WLS, but I do agree with the idea of people doing what they have to do for themselves and I think that’s all Heidi’s trying to do. She’s just trying to get by. And I hope she gets well and returns…I would like the chance to know her better. There’s too much hate in the world as it is to go turning away good people because we don’t agree with everything they say and do.

My point exactly!

Any movement that’s supposed to be about ACCEPTANCE should do just that – accept people, regardless of whether or not they agree with every single decision that person makes in their lifetime.

And can I point out here that what I got from Heidi’s own words was that she seemed to be at the very end of her rope. This is IT. If this doesn’t work, she’s going to be dead anyway. (That’s what *I* got out of it anyway.)

How can you NOT support a PERSON who has thought and researched and thought and talked about and thought and then finally decided to do something to SAVE THEIR LIFE?

I know I’m new ’round here, but to see something like this happen… it just breaks my heart.

I don’t know whether this is the “right” thing for Heidi or not. How could I know? I’ve never been 530 pounds and rapidly gaining and in excruciating pain rendered immobile by rapid and dramatic weight gain without a treatable endogenous cause (NOT merely by being fat, there’s a difference) and continuing to binge, without a frigging clue of how to put the brakes on. (And yes, binge eating coupled with complete immobility WILL make you gain weight. Even people who don’t binge eat who are immobilized almost always gain weight unless they have truly hummingbird metabolisms. Bingeing just makes it happen faster.) That is a truly rare and unique situation, and nobody that I know of has ever come up with any effective treatment modality for this (in part, because it is so rare) that does not involve serious risk.

One thing’s for sure: I don’t believe for a minute that Heidi chose this surgery to “kill herself” deliberately. There are easier and cheaper ways to do that, by far. I understand Kell’s point that binge eating alone would not have caused Heidi’s situation to happen and I agree with that, but it doesn’t change the fact that whatever did make it especially easy for her to reach 530 pounds has not, so far, been diagnosable or treatable, and it’s not like she hasn’t tried to pin down an answer, and tried, and tried, and tried.

Heidi isn’t looking to swap wardrobes with Halle Berry, or even me. All she wants in the world is to be Kell’s size and be as healthy and active as Kell is. I couldn’t possibly begrudge her that in a million years. And not having walked the proverbial mile (or even five feet) in Heidi’s shoes, I can’t look her in the eye and tell her she’s wrong. Especially now that the surgery has already been done.