Guest Blogger BuddingStarlet: Why, America, Why?!

I’ve mentioned in previous posts about the Santa Fat-Hate that seems to be gripping the nation this year. Well, when I found that the hate has come across the big water to America, I emailed BuddingStarlet the article to get her take on it. Once I got done laughing at her initial reaction, I asked her to write me a post…just so she could let us know how she really felt. So, here she is, in her own words. Disclaimer: All views expressed in this guest post do not in any way reflect upon the owner of this blog.

by BuddingStarlet

Ya know, I love America. Land of the Free and the Home of the Band Wagon. I was sitting at work today minding my own business and dodging actually doing the act of work, when I received my daily rant from FashionableNerd. I thought I would just about fall out and die when I finished the article. Really America? Really? Why must we jump on the “Santa-is-too-fat-and-needs-to-be-a-better-role-model-for-the-children” band wagon? Why? When we decided that it was a good idea to wear snow boots in the summertime, did I comment? Yes, but only to my closest friends… and out of ear shot of the poor soul who did not know the difference in her seasons. When we decided that it was the best idea of all time to cut out our insides to become thin, I cringed, but held my sisters hand when she decided to have the procedure. I even bought into the Weight Watchers foolishness for about two seconds then realized that there was no way that I had enough time, energy, or interest to calculate food points. And what are food points anyway? But I digress. The point is America, I have gone along with your foolishness for long enough. You can bully the UN into listening to your craziness. But you can not bully Santa!

I mean, I am really trying to understand this. Who can hate Santa? If not for the whole breaking and entering thing he would be considered a Saint. (And even then it’s only once a year, and we encourage it by leaving out foods. Shoot! Give me a cookie and a glass of milk and I would break and enter too!) What happened to the real meaning of Christmas? Peace on Earth, goodwill towards men, Fa la la la la, and Christmas carols 24/7 on the lite rock radio stations that play Delilah’s show? What happened to attempting to stay awake all night to get a glimpse of that “belly that shook like a bowl of jelly”? Heck, what happened to the superficial meaning of Christmas? You know the whole, “I don’t really care how it gets here or by whom, but I want a red Ryder Bee-Bee gun for Christmas” attitude? Remember when Santa used to bring you so much joy? I do. But now we insult him and call him fat. He obviously is not too fat because he seems to fit into our chimneys year after year to deliver gifts to all of the brats good little girls and boys of the world! And lets not even get on the HA HA HA greeting as opposed to the traditional greeting. That is just too stupid to touch. Especially when we all know there are other, more urgent things to obsess about (i.e: Darfur). Noooo, we have to save all of our energies for bullying poor Santa!

What is going on? Did we as Americans decide that we would become conscious over night? Did we decide that we should jump on a cause just because the Australians { and the English–Ed.} decided to attack Santa?  So now I am being ornery, but this is what you get when you mess with Santa! Sue me!

All I am saying is, if the OMGOBESITYEPIDEMIC!!! folks of the world want an  ACTUAL epidemic to jump on, please feel free to jump on one that matters. Try…oh I don’t know…homelessness, or starvation, or HIV/AIDS. I don’t care, choose one! Just choose one that makes sense. And as for you, oh beloved America… for real? Come on now. We are at War with Terrorism. (I still don’t really know what that means because I thought you declare war on countries, people, ethnicities even. You know, tangible things. But that is another rant for another blog.) I just thought that since we have decided that it was necessary to send the flower of our youth to war, including not one, not two, but three of my own beloved family members, WE WOULD TALK ABOUT THINGS THAT MATTER! But hey, nowhere in the Constitution does it say that we have to be a country that makes sense.

Bread Has Been Blacklisted

It seems every other day we are inundated with new information about what we should or should not eat in order to stave off infection, disease, death, or obesity–and not all necessarily in that order. Usually on the good list: lots of leafy greens, berries, low fat dairy, and so on. Bad list? Eh. Just pick something that tastes good. That should about cover it. :-D At any rate, via Junkfood Science, I have now learned of another food that threatens to cause the fat to spout mercilessly upon our thighs:

Bread. And not just any bread, folks….thick cut bread.

Go ahead and giggle. I did. And alternately, I thought…mmmmm. Thick-cut bread. *Homer Simpson gargle* Now, as this article addresses thick-cut bread in the UK, I’m unfamiliar of what it’s called there. Here in the states, I think of it as Texas Toast. You know, the extra-thick slices of bread that’s crunchy on the outside but deliciously soft within? Oh, yeah. Damn ambrosia, this stuff’s the food of the gods!

Ahem.

Anyhow, I’m just wondering…haven’t folks already vilified the white bread? Or, y’know, any kind of bread, pasta, delicious starchy thing—you get the idea—already? The whole Atkins thing that folks can’t figure out if it’s even healthy or not? Yeah, that. The article pretty much says that if the bread is cut in thinner slices…folks will lose weight!

Word? Ok, y’all, let’s think about this for a second. If I buy or make a sandwich, and I’m used to it on thick bread, making it thinner is only gonna do one of two things (or perhaps both, on a bad day). It will either piss me off, or cause me to make another sandwich so I can get the amount of bread I want. In addition, how in the world will changing bread thickness do a damn thing to the now debunked obesity epidemic? I’m just wondering. Apparently, so are the English:

Fellow University of Bolton student Mary Hulme, aged 23, of Tonge Moor, said: “Can those in Westminster not actually put in place real policies to help? I have always eaten thick bread and it has done me no harm…”It is ridiculous that thick bread has been mentioned. Are we to be told not to use butter and jam too?”

Man, oh man. You see, part of the reason that folks have such issues with food is because experts always want to put a label on it. It’s either good or bad, and if you just HAVE to eat the “bad” foods, you must eat it in moderation. Because, otherwise, you’re gonna catch the fat, and that ain’t good. Seems to me any food is worth eating in moderation…because it should really be about eating what one enjoys as opposed to what is deemed the “correct” food. And when you get to slapping labels on stuff…food gets to be a lot less enjoyable. It just becomes mechanized and cold…something not to be savored, but only as inconsequential and bland as the fuel we put in our cars. And as a budding foodie (call me the FluffyGourmet!) that prospect is both boring and damned depressing.

And if it is as depressing to you as it is to me, then you do have another option in the War on Fat *derisive snicker*. Log off of MySpace. That should do the trick.