Deep Conversation

My best friend BuddingStarlet and I had a deep, meaningful conversation today. It’s no different from any other  deep conversation she and I tended to have, however, it was my mindset that was different somehow. Let me explain.

BuddingStarlet gave me a call on her way home from work tonight (per usual), and told me she saw her ex boyfriend near her place of employment. You see, when she calls and says the words “You know, I did something bad today…” it’s ALWAYS gonna be something, well, bad. And this ex cheated on her, left her for the other woman…and married said other woman. So one can imagine the level of pissed poor BuddingStarlet was when she saw the two of them together. Here’s the convo:

BuddingStarlet: “You know, I did something really bad today.” *giggle*

Me: “Oh, God. What did you do?”

She: “I saw PretentiousJackass (PJ)!”

Me: “I see this is going to be all bad. Ok, what happened?”

She: “Well, PJ and his wife were waddling down the walkway…”

Me: “Eh. Waddling? That’s not nice.”

She: “Well, it’s true! He has gained serious weight since we broke up. And that wife of his can’t even fit in Lane Bryant clothes anymore. Anyway, I saw them as they walked in the store. So I went in to tell PJ hello. He couldn’t even look me in the eye! I knew it was because he was ashamed of himself–for cheating on me and for his weight. And you know, on the inside, I felt, well, a bit happy about it.”

Me: “But I’m fat. And you’re still not right for the waddling thing.”

She: “But YOU’RE not as fat as they are! That’s like comparing apples to oranges!”

Yeah. She said it. All I could do was put a hand to my head and listen to her rant a bit. Then she asked if I thought she was a horrible person for feeling that twinge of self-satisfaction. And since y’all don’t know me well: when I’m asked a straightforward question, I give a straightforward answer. I answered yes. And instead of getting really pissed (like I would if, say, a troll had told me the exact same thing), I rationally outlined why I was so disturbed. I explained the concept of Fat Acceptance (FA) and told her that, you know, you can’t take pleasure in something like this. And it’s definitely not right to proclaim “But you’re not that fat!” as if it’s gonna make what you just said any less hurtful. Because I am fat, and saying that is like…what? “Take heart, you’re not that big! It could always be worse!” That does not make it better. And being big does not make anybody less than anyone else…even if you’ve done some nasty shit. Karma is law. Don’t fuck up YOUR karma because someone else doesn’t know how to act.

And what happens next is why she is my best friend.

She took my arguement, and said she understood she was wrong (in fact, in the midst of our convo, she outright acknowledged she was wrong and that she knew better). She even apologized to me for the “not that fat” statement. I suppose it wasn’t so much the conversation that was so deep rather than the conversion that I’d had. Because months ago, before I found out about the FA movement, I would have been giggling right along with her. I would have been like…”Word? You right, I’m NOT that big!” and kept it moving. But as she spoke…I couldn’t laugh. Even though PJ is well, an idiot and is absolutely wrong for what he did to BuddingStarlet, in my mind I knew the whole thing was wrong. And I’ve changed, grown, and learned–moreso every day. And I know my dear BuddingStarlet has learned and grown too. And our convo didn’t turn into a screaming match because we’re intelligent enough to speak like grown folks.

And so my tale has a happy ending. Shucks, sometimes I wish other folks could be as understanding (and rational) as my best friend is.


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