Bread Has Been Blacklisted

It seems every other day we are inundated with new information about what we should or should not eat in order to stave off infection, disease, death, or obesity–and not all necessarily in that order. Usually on the good list: lots of leafy greens, berries, low fat dairy, and so on. Bad list? Eh. Just pick something that tastes good. That should about cover it. 😀 At any rate, via Junkfood Science, I have now learned of another food that threatens to cause the fat to spout mercilessly upon our thighs:

Bread. And not just any bread, folks….thick cut bread.

Go ahead and giggle. I did. And alternately, I thought…mmmmm. Thick-cut bread. *Homer Simpson gargle* Now, as this article addresses thick-cut bread in the UK, I’m unfamiliar of what it’s called there. Here in the states, I think of it as Texas Toast. You know, the extra-thick slices of bread that’s crunchy on the outside but deliciously soft within? Oh, yeah. Damn ambrosia, this stuff’s the food of the gods!


Anyhow, I’m just wondering…haven’t folks already vilified the white bread? Or, y’know, any kind of bread, pasta, delicious starchy thing—you get the idea—already? The whole Atkins thing that folks can’t figure out if it’s even healthy or not? Yeah, that. The article pretty much says that if the bread is cut in thinner slices…folks will lose weight!

Word? Ok, y’all, let’s think about this for a second. If I buy or make a sandwich, and I’m used to it on thick bread, making it thinner is only gonna do one of two things (or perhaps both, on a bad day). It will either piss me off, or cause me to make another sandwich so I can get the amount of bread I want. In addition, how in the world will changing bread thickness do a damn thing to the now debunked obesity epidemic? I’m just wondering. Apparently, so are the English:

Fellow University of Bolton student Mary Hulme, aged 23, of Tonge Moor, said: “Can those in Westminster not actually put in place real policies to help? I have always eaten thick bread and it has done me no harm…”It is ridiculous that thick bread has been mentioned. Are we to be told not to use butter and jam too?”

Man, oh man. You see, part of the reason that folks have such issues with food is because experts always want to put a label on it. It’s either good or bad, and if you just HAVE to eat the “bad” foods, you must eat it in moderation. Because, otherwise, you’re gonna catch the fat, and that ain’t good. Seems to me any food is worth eating in moderation…because it should really be about eating what one enjoys as opposed to what is deemed the “correct” food. And when you get to slapping labels on stuff…food gets to be a lot less enjoyable. It just becomes mechanized and cold…something not to be savored, but only as inconsequential and bland as the fuel we put in our cars. And as a budding foodie (call me the FluffyGourmet!) that prospect is both boring and damned depressing.

And if it is as depressing to you as it is to me, then you do have another option in the War on Fat *derisive snicker*. Log off of MySpace. That should do the trick.

3 Responses to “Bread Has Been Blacklisted”

  1. 1 nuckingfutz
    December 7, 2007 at 3:37 am

    You know, I’m seriously starting to feel like I’m in some B horror film. You know, where I’m one of the only ones that can see what’s REALLY happening, but the world as a whole can’t see it. I feel like I’m screaming “you’re all nuts!” and the drones just keep droning on about obesity this, bad food that, santa’s going to make our children grow up fat….

    Thick sliced bread? For fuck’s sake… can’t we find something a little more important to carp on?


  2. 2 nuckingfutz
    December 7, 2007 at 3:41 am

    (sorry about the double post, but it’s early and I’m forgetting things easily)

    Oh, and for the record, I don’t even LIKE thick sliced bread. It’s about one and a half times the thickness of what I would call a normal slice of bread (called medium sliced out here), and for me? Too much bread. (To quote my great-grandfather, if I wanted to taste nothing but bread, I’d make myself a bread sandwich!)

    But STILL!!! This is just absolutely fucking ridiculous!

  3. December 7, 2007 at 7:02 am

    Heh! It amazes me the amount of time some folks have on their hands. I mean…you sat and did stats on the effects of bread…nay, thick cut bread!…on someone’s waistline.

    And I think I’d love thick-cut bread for a sandwich. Although, for me, the whole point of a sandwich is the bread…I’m a lover of all things starchy. 🙂

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