15
Feb
08

Self-Love…What A Beautiful Thing

Well, I’m still full throttle in getting my life together. It’s improving, slightly. But that’s not what I want to talk about today. So, in between job searches, I’ve been keeping up with the goings-on about the fatosphere. And when I saw this entry over at Big Fat Deal…OMG. It struck such a chord with me (as it did for folks over at Kate’s as well as folks on their personal blogs) because I saw ME in that 14 year old girl.

I’d just started my freshman year of high school, and I was coming off of being valedictorian of my 8th grade class (we had a graduation, I had to write a speech, the whole nine). I wasn’t comfortable in my skin, in that school, hell, in that damn STATE. Background: I was a transfer student my 8th grade year. There was a super-smart young man there whose niche was being…Super-Smart Dude. Here I come, and I take spot as Super-Smart Gal AND take his place as valedictorian. Folks were pissed at me…how DARE I come rolling in that school and upsetting the natural order of things?

And because that lil’ junior high was one hall (seriously), that stigma carried into the high school next door (also one hall). As far as insults go, they couldn’t call me stupid or slow (as quite a few kids called each other), but they had plenty as far as physical attributes go. As I’ve told y’all before, I’ve always been fat. So, naturally, they had to “call out” my bad skin, my glasses, my teeth, my belly….the whole nine. Added to my tomboy phase? Y’all, I was everything but a child of God then. So, here is what my 14 year old self needs to know:

Dear FN,

You think this is the worst time in your life. You want people to look past what you deem as physical issues and look at the person inside. Let me tell you something, darlin’. You don’t have physical issues. You have PUBERTY. Your skin is gonna clear up, and that’s gonna be the FIRST thing you’re complimented on. Your gonna look at your crooked smile and no longer care about having braces. And when you get them? You’re gonna rock that same bright smile you did when you had the gaps. Your glasses? You’re gonna get some new ones, and colored contacts, and clear contacts, and you are gonna ROCK THEM HARD. You’re gonna treat them as accessories as opposed to extra appendages. And you’re not gonna be ashamed.

And yes, you’re fat. Guess what? That’s not gonna change. And that’s OKAY. Darlin’, at 14,you are way ahead of your time for looking for more than looks, and you’re gonna have men swooning at your feet. Because YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. You wish you’d heard that more often, but girl, people LOVE you. YOU, as a person, are fucking awesome. And I’m sorry that you didn’t hear it more. But you will. From others, but most importantly, from yourself.

Keep singing. Keep writing. Keep being outspoken…don’t diminish your light because someone tells you it’s burning too brightly. When that man tells you that in class, tell him to get some damn sunglasses. Don’t feel like you always have to be strong. Let someone else help you. It’s not the you against the world, girl. There are folks, your true friends, that are there to help you shoulder the burden. Let them. And let the bitterness go. Everyone that used to treat you badly doesn’t translate to everyone is gonna CONTINUE to treat you badly. So don’t feel like you have to be in bitch-mode forever. Cause these troubles you’re having? Aren’t gonna last long. Believe it.

I love you,

Your 22 year old self.

And what’s even better about the 14 year old girl? She’s gotten all that love, insight, and caring NOW, when it matters so much. And it’s changed her outlook about herself and life.

The power of the Fatosphere. It’s unequaled.

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