Can I just tell y’all how much I loathe this phrase and all of its incarnations (“Oh, you want a date? You know a Black man wants ALL OF THAT!” “Girl, you best go talk to a Black man! He don’t want no toothpick!”) ? Now, I’m happy to see that it isn’t widespread through the Fatosphere, but it damn sure is widespread in popular culture. Seriously folks, who the hell came up with this asinine stereotype?
Now, I can’t speak from any other standpoint other than Black, so let me be the first to tell you…IT AIN’T TRUE. Not in my culture. And I’m pretty sure it don’t float in others (feel free to weigh in on that one.)
Now, I’ve dated many Black men, and I’m fat, so one would assume that hey, maybe I can at least get a date with a Black man! They LOVE fat women! I heard a woman say this as she and her friend passed a happy, giggling, and fat Black couple. Some folks should be muzzled in public, as I was able to hear her from my table a good 3 feet behind her–so you know the couple in question heard.
Let me tell y’all. I’ve been turned down for dates many a time. And yes, rejection hurts and sucks, but the men I’ve dated/ otherwise spent my time with? They weren’t with me because I was fat. They were with me because I was ME.
Case in Point: I’m tangled in the bedsheets with a former lover/current good friend of mine. I’m considerably bigger than this man. But my size was of no consequence, as I would soon find out. As we basked in the afterglow (yes, fat folks do get laid!), he laid his head on my belly and said:
You know why I dig you so much? You are fuckin’ REAL! You’re unashamed to be yourself, honest to a fault, and forward as hell. You’re unbiased, and you make no apologies for your personality. And I respect the hell out of you for that.
At the time, I chuckled at the idea. As conceited as I am, I found it difficult at the time to accept the obvious compliments he was showering on me. But having come so far in my FA journey, I realize that the reason I was so attractive to folks, got so much attention, and was always flirted with is that I didn’t hold my weight up as a sheild. All women of any color with some poundage has done just this at some point. You know the whole “Well, I’m so fat/pimply/ugly…” mantra that keeps folks from putting themselves out there (sounds familiar, don’t it?) We figure men won’t take the time to learn about the spectacular people we are, so we use our weight to shove these men aside (no pun intended). What we need to realize is no race or gender is going to be more welcome to having a fat mate than any other. Assholes span gender and race, and what’s important is being able to sift through the rocks and sand to find the diamonds that deserve to adorn our crowns as kings and queens.
So yeah..this whole “All Black men love fat women!” foolishness? Consider that one debunked. Go forth, ladies, and seek your king (or queen). Men, you go forth and seek your queen (or king). But don’t let race run your preference based on some archaic belief. That’s only gonna bring more heartache.