But Y’all’s Men Love Big Women!

Can I just tell y’all how much I loathe this phrase and all of its incarnations (“Oh, you want a date? You know a Black man wants ALL OF THAT!” “Girl, you best go talk to a Black man! He don’t want no toothpick!”) ? Now, I’m happy to see that it isn’t widespread through the Fatosphere, but it damn sure is widespread in popular culture. Seriously folks, who the hell came up with this asinine stereotype?

Now, I can’t speak from any other standpoint other than Black, so let me be the first to tell you…IT AIN’T TRUE. Not in my culture. And I’m pretty sure it don’t float in others (feel free to weigh in on that one.)

Now, I’ve dated many Black men, and I’m fat, so one would assume that hey, maybe I can at least get a date with a Black man! They LOVE fat women! I heard a woman say this as she and her friend passed a happy, giggling, and fat Black couple. Some folks should be muzzled in public, as I was able to hear her from my table a good 3 feet behind her–so you know the couple in question heard.

Let me tell y’all. I’ve been turned down for dates many a time. And yes, rejection hurts and sucks, but the men I’ve dated/ otherwise spent my time with? They weren’t with me because I was fat. They were with me because I was ME.

Case in Point: I’m tangled in the bedsheets with a former lover/current good friend of mine. I’m considerably bigger than this man. But my size was of no consequence, as I would soon find out. As we basked in the afterglow (yes, fat folks do get laid!), he laid his head on my belly and said:

You know why I dig you so much? You are fuckin’ REAL! You’re unashamed to be yourself, honest to a fault, and forward as hell. You’re unbiased, and you make no apologies for your personality. And I respect the hell out of you for that.

At the time, I chuckled at the idea. As conceited as I am, I found it difficult at the time to accept the obvious compliments he was showering on me. But having come so far in my FA journey, I realize that the reason I was so attractive to folks, got so much attention, and was always flirted with is that I didn’t hold my weight up as a sheild. All women of any color with some poundage has done just this at some point. You know the whole “Well, I’m so fat/pimply/ugly…” mantra that keeps folks from putting themselves out there (sounds familiar, don’t it?) We figure men won’t take the time to learn about the spectacular people we are, so we use our weight to shove these men aside (no pun intended). What we need to realize is no race or gender is going to be more welcome to having a fat mate than any other. Assholes span gender and race, and what’s important is being able to sift through the rocks and sand to find the diamonds that deserve to adorn our crowns as kings and queens. 

So yeah..this whole “All Black men love fat women!” foolishness? Consider that one debunked. Go forth, ladies, and seek your king (or queen). Men, you go forth and seek your queen (or king). But don’t let race run your preference based on some archaic belief. That’s only gonna bring more heartache.


10 Responses to “But Y’all’s Men Love Big Women!”

  1. 2 Jon
    April 15, 2008 at 9:14 pm

    The culture I grew up in was anti-fat. Only on my own did I develop this. Thin and fat women can both float my boat. The fact that people assume there’s some component that’s of my nature is complete horseshit. I applaud you for this post.

  2. April 15, 2008 at 9:24 pm

    Awww. Thanks y’all! I’m blushin’ over here. 😀

  3. April 15, 2008 at 10:27 pm

    I wandered over here via Shapely Prose. 🙂
    I agree 100% with you. Don’t search for a partner based on a stereotype! Many of the fatphobic men (I should say boys) I’ve known were black. I too, am black. They were offended by my ample figure and had no shame in letting me know in very derrogatory ways. It just goes to show that you shouldn’t believe everything you hear.

  4. April 15, 2008 at 11:54 pm

    Welcome to the fatosphere — I just noticed your blog for the first time, but I’ve seen your excellent comments before.
    You are so right that everyone needs to be with someone who is drawn to them not because they are fat or thin or in between but because they are themselves.

  5. 6 pupufu
    April 16, 2008 at 12:29 pm

    Yup I definitely agree. In fact, I saw that Maxim did some survey of men with three images of women: skinnier, average and chubbier, and most men preferred with bigger woman.
    I think the fat shield is so true. Maybe it IS because those women (including me) have been hurt in the past, but it’s time to let our personalities do the talking instead of dwelling on superficial impressions.
    Awesome entry, and go you!

  6. 7 eltentwelve
    April 16, 2008 at 3:08 pm

    Right on! What makes people attractive is not the way they look but how comfortable they are in their skins and how confident they are of themselves…. you hit the nail on the head…. It’s not a matter of fat or thin, pretty or ugly… it’s a matter of who you are…..

  7. 8 gina
    July 1, 2008 at 4:38 pm

    well said. And so very, very true.

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