Things I Wish I Would Have Said

To my diet obsessed coworker:

Yes, I am in fact a vegetarian. I have been for a few years now. I know what you’re thinking. “You’re awfully fat to be a vegetarian. You must be on a diet.”  I choose a cruelty free lifestyle for several reasons. Dieting is not one of them. As far as I’m concerned there is a reason that the word only has four letters. So, the next time you find yourself itching to share your latest weight loss fad with me during a meeting at the water cooler, save it for someone else. I also do not want to go to the gym with you. The gym is an evil place and I’m not on a diet. Next time ask me if I want to go outside and play, which I will do with you any time.

And the last time I checked I was well versed in the English language. I’ve been reading since age three. Ergo, if I wanted to know how many grams of fat are in my peanut butter and blueberry preserve sandwich, or my french fries, or my 12oz bottle of coke I would read it on the label. I do not need your commentary. And for your information, I don’t care how many calories are in any of those things. I love yummy peanut butter and oh so tasty french fried potatoes and as long as I love those things, I will continue to eat them.

And the next time we go to a steakhouse for a company function, know that you are doing me no favors by pointing out the house salad on the menu. (A) See above, concerning my spectacular reading comprehension. (B) Lettuce, tomato, and cheese do not a salad make. (C)  Although I would consider myself cute and cuddly, I am not a rabbit. I can’t live on a house salad for dinner.

Lastly, stay the hell away from me during the next office bar outing. If I ever hear you say again how depressed you are every time a “fat girl” leaves with the man you were eying, I just might lose it. Although I wasn’t the one who took your new man away from you, I certainly applauded the woman who did. I am convinced that she has more confidence in one inch of her beautiful, curvy physique than you will ever have in your entire life.

To be quite honest, I am sad for you. I know your disdain at the fact that I do not share you petite frame is simply a reflection of how poor a self image you really have. I am sad because I know that no matter how much you diet and exercise, or how revealing your clothes, or how much makeup you wear, this will not make you love yourself any more.

 I love my shapeliness. My hips, my stomach, my thighs. I love the fact that I have chubby cheeks. And I thank the universe every day that my mother raised me to be comfortable in my own skin. I am saddened that you may never feel this wonderful feeling. But, I will keep hoping that someday you might discover something amazing inside yourself, and you too will know how I feel.

Best wishes with all sincerity,



14 Responses to “Things I Wish I Would Have Said”

  1. April 24, 2008 at 7:44 pm

    Girl! Tell us how you really feel! 😀

    But seriously. It seems like your co-worker and the troll in my last post are in cahootz together or something. The troll assumes I wrote that post to justify my eating, and your co-worker questions the valitiy of your eating.

    *sigh* Some folks need to act like they have some hometraining. Seriously.

    Also, blueberry preserves are wonderful. Especially on some whole-wheat toast. Mmm.

  2. 2 notblueatall
    April 24, 2008 at 7:46 pm

    I hate that feeling of knowing what you should have said after the fact…sucks! But you have posted probably the wittiest comeback ever…love it! Rock on!

  3. 3 Karen
    April 24, 2008 at 8:27 pm

    Where do people get the idea that this is acceptable behavior? Never mind, don’t answer that. I hope I never need a comeback like that, and I hope that I’ve never deserved on that didn’t get delivered.

    There are a couple of those petite framed persons who understand that self esteem is for everyone, and I don’t need to poke down yours to have my own.

    Steakhouse salads totally do suck. I’m quite omnivorous so a steakhouse is a happy place I rarely feel like I can afford, but just because I can find plenty of food there doesn’t mean the salads don’t totally suck. They do.

  4. 4 Eli
    April 24, 2008 at 8:39 pm

    Awesome response! I am a fat vegetarian as well and sometimes it amuses me to see people’s brains breaking at the concept.

  5. 5 Liz
    April 24, 2008 at 8:59 pm

    I remember going to a company function with my best co-worker friend (who was a vegetarian) and the company fxn was at a steak house where – no kidding – there was not a single item on the menu she could eat. Every single thing had bacon or beef drippings in it. And they refused to make a salad fresh for her.

  6. April 24, 2008 at 9:00 pm

    I may not be a vegetarian, but I have several good friends who are, and I know that the house salad at most restaurants – not just the average steak house – is not adequate to the needs of a person trying to make a dinner of it.

    Also, blueberries are composed of yum. I have some in my freezer and plan to make pies out of them this weekend. I can’t wait to eat some, too.

    I don’t drink Coke, but it’s not because of the calories. It’s because I don’t like colas and never have. Even as a kid I didn’t like colas. I’d rather have a root beer…or better yet, a ginger beer.

    You can come outside and play with me anytime you like. Playing outside is awesome and just as good exercise as any gym machine I find tiresome and depressing.

  7. April 24, 2008 at 10:34 pm

    Lastly, stay the hell away from me during the next office bar outing. If I ever hear you say again how depressed you are every time a “fat girl” leaves with the man you were eying, I just might lose it.

    Holy kayrap. If there’s anything that could get me to stand up, wordlessly but with an evil glare, and leave the room, that would be it. I mean, that is just offensive.

  8. 8 GLT
    April 25, 2008 at 12:07 am

    Yay for fellow fat vegetarians. Boo for salad because 1. I hate it (most of the time–maybe once a month is okay) and 2. it always has chicken in it anyway and no one around here has heard of vinaigrette dressing.

  9. 9 Sycorax
    April 25, 2008 at 12:34 am

    See, I would be inclined (don’t know if I’d actually have the nerve, but I’d be inclined) to say, “Wow, if the guys you’re into prefer ‘fat girls’, you should probably gain some weight so you’ll be more attractive to them.” If that didn’t break her brain immediately, you could follow up by repeatedly pointing out rich, fatty food items that could help her “put some meat on her bones”.

  10. April 25, 2008 at 3:17 am

    Thank you for making me smile!! xx

  11. 11 Laura
    April 25, 2008 at 9:29 am

    Personally, I think Sycorax has the right idea!

  12. 12 Krista
    April 25, 2008 at 10:08 am

    Holy crap! I thought I was the only one! I’ve been veg’n for a decade and my mother still points out every vegetarian item on the menu, as if I’m accidentally going to order a steak.

  13. April 25, 2008 at 7:23 pm

    Ha! You tell ’em!

    I have a friend who is a fat vegan. I’m not vegan or vegetarian, but I have enjoyed the vegan recipes (especially the cupcakes!) that she’s made for me.

    The girl who got mad about the ‘fat girl’ who left with the guy she was eyeing…so rude.

  14. April 26, 2008 at 6:28 pm

    While I’m a recent (but enthusiastic!) convert to true fat acceptance for myself, I have long had a paucity of patience for folks who want to make moral judgments on the food they, or others, eat. God, it’s tedious. It’s very simple: Eat. Don’t eat. But for chrissakes, don’t TALK to me about it. If I have to hear the “oh god! not doughnuts! I shouldn’t! Really! Maybe I’ll just have a bite” monologue in the breakroom again, I may have to smack them. Grown-ups decide what they will eat and won’t it. Children need others to tell them what they should and should not eat. I guess I’ll be a grown-up, thanks.

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