03
May
08

Respectful Disagreement

WARNING! THIS POST MAY BE TRIGGERING FOR SOME READERS. APPROACH WITH CAUTION.

To the commenter whose point I deleted yesterday:

First, let me thank you for the best wishes in my journey. Also, let me thank your for being respectful in your initial comment. Here at Hyde and Seek, we appreciate all points of view, as long as they are couched properly so as to facilitate discussion. So, again, I thank you for being civil.

As for the second comment (which, as I’m sure you’re aware, will not be approved) I’m sorry you’re offended by my deleting the comment. Yes, I read your posts that you linked. No, I did not shut down after I read the first paragraph. I read the entire thing, as well as some of the archives. And please don’t go there with the “you write these posts so people can agree with you.” If you would be so kind as to read the “Some People Just Don’t Get It” thread, you’d see me engaging in meaningful discussion. I don’t mind your disagreement at all.

It’s simply that when it comes to your concerns that your raised in your initial comment, it’s been discussed before.

I understand that some people take the Fat Acceptance movement as “allowing” supposedly “unhealthy” people to further abuse their “grotesque” (your word, not mine) bodies. However, from my standpoint, that’s hardly the case.

I felt drawn to the movement because I was doing all that I was supposed to do as far as losing weight: work out, eat healthily, watch carbs, count calories, shun all things sweet and fatty: and I only lost, if you added up the amounts in my previous piece, about 31 pounds. And I felt like shit at the time, to be frank with you.

31 pounds. In all those years of dieting. That’s it. Even when I continued to restrict, nothing. I was still fat, and, eventually, I felt fabulous. And it seemed that every social norm screamed to me that I wasn’t normal because I felt wonderful and I was fat. My doctors found me healthy, blood pressure is fine, cholesterol is fine. But I’m still fat, and I still have that stigma.

I fight that stigma that fat and healthy cannot be used in the same sentence. Now, you say that certain pounds overweight is unhealthy. Over what weight? You say fat folks cannot be healthy, but I’m sure you wouldn’t assume that a thin person is automatically healthy, would you? You can be thin and unhealthy as easily as you can be fat and unhealthy, AND NO PERSON DESERVES TO BE RIDICULED, DISCRIMINATED AGAINST, MADE TO FEEL LESS THAN, OR STIGMATIZED because of it.

And for those concerned: even if you happen to be fat and unhealthy, we in the FA movement think no less of you. You are as deserving of respect as anyone else in this world, and you don’t deserve the stigma either.

Now, let’s further discuss the reason your comment was deleted: you want to draw myself and the rest of the Fatosphere into yet another discussion about how we’re killing ourselves on purpose. According to you, dear commenter, it’s OUR fault that we’re fat.

Yeah. We’ve heard that before. We’ve discussed this before. I know I have. And quite frankly, I have no patience or time to moderate that discussion again. Plain and simple.

Oh, and by the way? If one does decide to treat his or her body better, then more than likely they’d be practicing Health At Every Size.  For what it’s worth, outside the erroneous “ding-dongs and fat rolls” comment, it seems as if that’s what you’re advocating as well. Feel free to look that one up while you’re letting blogland know how off-the cuff we fat bloggers are. And practicing HAES does not equal eviction from the movement. Hell, if you decide you want to diet and profess to be an FA activist, we probably still wouldn’t evict you. We’d tell you how flawed your logic was, and urge you to rethink your position. But rest assured, we for damn sure ain’t about to applaud you for it. I’m a woman that says to each his or her own, so if you wanna diet, do what you do. But don’t think I’m going to praise you for that. Size ain’t an indicator of health, and I hold myself as an example of that.

Also, one’s mind is a part of one’s body. Both deserve equal respect and great treatment. Also, don’t propose coming over here and assuming you know how all fat people treat their bodies. I believe I heard Kelly Bliss say that “You can no more tell the healthy lifestyle of a person based on their body size than you can tell how hard someone works based on the balance in their bank account.” Again, size is no indicator of health.

Hey. I’m not knocking your views. You have your ideals and proof, as I have my ideals and proof. Your comment wasn’t deleted because you disagreed. Your comment was deleted because we’ve heard it all before. I know I have because I believed as you did once.I too felt that hell, if I REALLY wanted to lose weight I could. Except all I ended up losing was my mind and not much else. And when I found that I wasn’t alone, it was enough for me to decide to question the status quo, and rage against the machine, if you will. You may question Kate’s logic about the studies being off, but see, if I have lived it, you don’t get to come tell me what my experiences were. You don’t get to tell me how much I worked out, what/how much I’ve eaten, how many calories and such are in my food. I know, because I HAVE LIVED IT. MANY OF US IN THE MOVEMENT HAVE, and I’m sorry, but I feel some kinda way about you professing to know about what we deal with. And if you happen to be one of those self-righteous folks who lost weight “and you can too!”, check yourself, seriously. If ridicule and thinly veiled “concern” made folks thin, we would be. All some of us have is the WANT to be thin but not the genes to do it (yes, fat IS genetic, even though you think otherwise), and some of us have discovered THIN may not be in the cards, but HEALTH is. And I’m sorry, the two don’t go hand in hand, as much as you or anyone else might want to believe.

So, I’m sorry you’re upset I’ve deleted you. I apologize in advance for any other comments you may leave here that might be deleted. If it’s something I deem discussable, then I’ll let it fly. Otherwise, you’ll just have to continue to be angry about it. Sorry. Oh, and I most likely disgust you too, since I’m fat. I’ll make the effort to stop being fat at you. But I can’t promise it’ll be a fruitful attempt.

Oh, and by the way, you’re probably wondering why I didn’t put your name or your comments or site or anything up. I’m not sending you hits from THIS blog, no matter how respectful I am towards your side. It’s a blogtatorship round these here parts, darlin’, and my co-blogger and I run this blog with iron fists.

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6 Responses to “Respectful Disagreement”


  1. May 3, 2008 at 6:57 am

    Hi, This is Kelly Bliss here. The quote you heard in a debate where my opponent thought all fat people were eating excessively and sedentary is: “You can no more tell the healthy lifestyle of a person based on their body size than you can tell how hard someone works based on the balance in their bank account.”

    You can read my whole article on the subject here: http://www.kellybliss.com/lifestyle_coaching/real_problem.php

  2. May 3, 2008 at 7:06 am

    but see, if I have lived it, you don’t get to come tell me what my experiences were.

    That really sums it up. Great post.

  3. May 3, 2008 at 9:02 am

    Whoops! I really mangled that quote. I’ll edit the post to reflect the correct one. Sorry about that, Kelly, and thanks for coming by!

    Thanks, SCG. I really appreciate it!

  4. 4 Bri
    May 3, 2008 at 11:16 am

    You go!

    I wish people would keep their “well meaning” advice to themselves.

  5. May 4, 2008 at 12:40 pm

    Great post. Although I have never had an issue with my weight, I do have an issue with my body image, even though I have been complimented on it my whole life, go figure that one.

    Anyway, the fact that it appears that you are learning to accept yourself, and feel good about yourself, which we all have issues with, in one way or another, is a major thing. Best wishes to you and your group.


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