Archive for the 'Uncategorized' Category

09
Nov
09

In Which I Ramble About Dating

So, in my last post, I said I’d found myself a boyfriend. We met online, and if anyone is a reader of the blog Fat Girl on a Date, you know that navigating the world of  online dating is a feat in itself. It was here that I (or maybe I’ve read it somewhere, I’m not sure) came up with the term DWF: Dating While Fat.

DWF really ought not be such a revolutionary thing, but really, especially in the online arena, it can be the biggest hindrance in the world. Although most dating sites nowadays will give you a list of body types to describe yourself, most folks do not read said type, and then will IM/email you and ask you about your build. Or, in their profiles, they’ll have some tripe listed such as ” I prefer height/weight proportionate women” or “thick girls apply” or “well curved women welcome”, which is about as clear as the water in the Mississippi River. Now, I’ve touched on what “thick” kind of means before (we’d call them an “inbetweenie” here in the Fat-O-Sphere), but what in the mauve hell does “well curved” mean? I think I’m well curved. Does it then mean me? Or is there some level of curve that I’m supposed to adhere to? Who the hell comes up with these rules, anyway?

The dating website I was on at the time didn’t have those neat little classifications, so I took the time to write a disclaimer of sorts in the profile itself. It was pretty cute, and culminated with the words “I’m fat. Don’t want y’all to think I’m holding back anything.” Succinct and to the point, right?

Y’all, I cannot explain the level of crazy I got. Everything from the married teacher asking me to strip on camera to the Nigerian gentleman who wanted me to be his 2nd wife. In between all of that, I actually got some promising hits. We’d have amazing conversation/IM sessions, and then we’d decide to meet.

And then it would all go to hell. It wouldn’t be personality conflicts (ok, not always) or that my oddities were just too odd, but my body type would cause some kind of issue.

I think that most of these men expected me to be what I call “vanity fat.” You know, where I just say I’m fat but am really thin?  Right. When they saw that I was, um, actually fat, it was a shock. And for some, it was indeed a problem. For example:

Dude: “Oh, I didn’t think you were really fat.”

Me: “Yeah. I am. Does this make you uncomfortable?”

Dude: “No, I just didn’t think you were really fat. Like, you know how you women are. Y’all exaggerate.”

Me: “…”

Now, I’m sure y’all are aware he got ditched more for the “you women” comment than him having an issue with my fat, right? But that’s really my point. Why exactly is weight so damn important? For me, it’s just a descriptor: I’m tall, I’m brown, I have long hair, I’m fat. Whatever. Why does it matter?

I’m not sure I understand why it is that weight has such leverage over who we deal with. I’m more concerned with if a man has a rap sheet, jilted and slightly crazy ex-girlfriends, is misogynistic, lacks ambition…you get my drift. I need to be able to hold an intelligent conversation with a man. Whether the man is fat or not is the last thing on my mind.

My man knows that I adore Shakespeare, that I want to be a diplomat, a writer, and a cook, that my favorite color is blue, and how I got that heart-shaped scar on my belly. He knows I adore calla lilies and gardenias, and that I collect teddy bears. As an addendum, I happen to be fat. He doesn’t care. All he sees is my beauty, both inside and out.

And at the end of the day, if a man can appreciate me in my entirety, that’s all that really matters.

16
Mar
09

Taking a Bite of the Big Apple Part One: Traveling

Hi, Y’all! I haven’t forgotten about you, I promise. I got back from my much anticipated trip to NYC last Thursday, and since I’m just now starting to get over a cold, I haven’t had the chance to tell y’all all about it.

It’s gonna take some time, actually. So I’ll be telling y’all about the trip in three parts: traveling, shopping, and…the serious. I figured I’d save the serious for last because 1) I’m still trying to get my thoughts together, and 2)…it’s serious. Serious things that make you think ought to be put last for impact.

That being said: on to the travel!

Well, I took off on a muggy Thursday morning, and I wouldn’t get to NYC till mid-afternoon. BuddingStarlet and I had an event to attend that night, and I wouldn’t have time to change my clothes before we went. So, what does a fatshionista do? I traveled in my event outfit.

It was simple really. I was wearing this dressfrom Target, with a green cami underneath, black tights, and black shiny patent flats. I belted the dress with a black patent belt. I used the money I got when I took back my beloved raspberry coat  that didn’t fit properly in the arms, and I got a cute grey hat as well (they don’t have it available online).

I ended up going with a black trench coat that my mom scored on sale at Lane Bryant (it too is no longer available online), and it kept me warm the whole trip.

But that dress from Target traveled so well, y’all. Comfortable, non binding, the whole nine. I will give a warning to my taller glamazons out there: even on 5’7 me, the dress was a bit shorter than what I was used to. It’s also a touch sheer, so you’ll want a cami or something underneath so as to not showcase all of your lusciousness (unless that’s what you happen to be going for, to which I’ll say: rock on!)

Outside of the wardrobe, I flew on a new to me airline: Continental. I usually fly Northwest or Delta, but the ticket prices were out of control this go round, so I gave Continental a try.

Now, Northwest is notorious for having itty-bitty seats and too short seat belts, and I was prepared for more of the same. Well, Continental does have itty-bitty seats, but not as small as Northwest, and their seat belts…actually fit comfortably. As we boarded the plane, the flight attendants were pleasant. They passed out blankets and pillows as we got on, and when people looked too cramped, they looked for extra seats and asked people if they wanted to move so they could be more comfortable.

Now, a woman across the aisle from me was having a rough go with her seat belt. She managed to get it closed, but the flight attendant noticed her struggle and asked discreetly if she would like a seat belt extender. (I’ll note here that I have no idea if the woman would have been charged for it, or if every flight has them, but I say it’s a start.) The lady declined, but she, as was I, was quite surprised at the offer. I haven’t seen that on other carriers, and I like that quite a bit.

The second startling thing: Continental feeds you! When I told BuddingStarlet, IntellectualFeminist, and my mom about the meal, they were just as shocked as I was. I figured airlines had stopped that to cut costs.

Now, my first flight was all of 45 minutes, and so we were left with the typical drink offering by way of a snack. But my connecting flight was 4 hours, and I just knew all we’d get was peanuts. Remember, I had an event to go to that evening, and there would be no time for food before we went. So I was prepared to have a grumbling tummy. Imagine my surprise when all of a sudden the card was wheeled down the aisle laden with sandwiches, salad, and…a fun size bag of M&Ms. And, despite every stand-up comic’s opinion to the contrary, it was quite tasty.

All in all, the flight was really pleasant, although I did regret the tights+jersey dress combo (for whatever reason, I had some serious static cling going on, and I kept thinking I was flashing people because the dress kept riding up!)

So, for me, Continental gets a big thumbs up for travel pleasantness. I’ll be riding with them again.

Coming up on Wednesday: the Shopping! I scored some great swag and a book…and I can’t wait to tell y’all about it. Stay tuned!

02
Feb
09

Travel Swag!

Well, folks, on my long list of resolutions was to travel and see friends more often. So, I’ll be flying to the cold, snowy North next month to visit BuddingStarlet, and IntellectualFeminist will be there too!

Did I mention I haven’t seen IntellectualFeminist since I graduated in 2007? Yeah. About that.

Naturally, this was as good an excuse as any to go shopping.

Being a Southern girl, weather down here is…well, spaztastic at best. Last Tuesday, for example, it got so cold there was ice everywhere, schools closed, whole nine. Yesterday? It made it to 75 degrees. I was wearing flip flops and sitting on the front steps with a lemonade.

Texas weather is the best, y’all.

Anyhow, I’m going to New York next month, and to Florida in June, and well, I need clothes since I cleaned out my closet and all. So, I’m introducing y’all to my latest additions, and giving some reviews.

First up: SWAK Designs.

Lesley over at Fatshionista reviewed three dresses for them.  They contacted me and asked me to review some pieces for them as well. Some time ago I told y’all about a dress I wanted to pick up, but sadly, they no longer had my size. So I was stoked to be able to try out some of their clothes.

So Pretty!

So Pretty!

The Desi dress  is the same that Lesley reviewed, and seriously? That dress is made for summery vacations, y’all. I mean, I can’t say it much better than this:

Frankly, this dress makes me stare bleakly out at the frozen heaps of old snow outside my windows and wish I had a beach vacation coming up. It’s that kind of dress. The kind you want to wear stretched out in the sun with an alcohol-laden frozen drink in your hand.

I have the 3x in black and the fit is so great. Plenty of stretch in the arm–I have a hell of a time finding sleeves that fit my arms properly. I cannot wait for the weather to stabilize so I can wear it. June can’t get here fast enough!

Work comfort at its best.

Work comfort at its best.

The Gaucho pant was my responsible pick. I say responsible because these are intended for work. I say intended because they’re so comfortable I want to wear them everywhere. I work retail, so there is a lot of move box, open box, sit in dusty floor, restock, take out garbage, help customer…so on and so forth. When I purchase work clothes, they have to look nice enough for me to not look too bedraggled in front of customers, but be stretchy and comfy enough for me to move around quickly. These pants…are AMAZING. Now, I’ve told y’all before my waist is smaller than my hips, and so have to go up a size in order to accommodate them. I got a 3x, but I could have easily gotten a 2x and still have had a flattering fit (I kept the larger size because I prefer my work gear to be a bit loose.) The best thing? They dress up so easily with just a simple heel and a shirt change. I actually lounged in them yesterday while I watched the Super Bowl. (And no, I wasn’t at work first.) This is a great multi-purpose pant.

Now, I read about eShakti in the Fatosphere, but had never been to the site. One day, bored, I surfed on over there to see what they had, and OMG. OMG! I love dresses, and they have dresses as far and wide as the eye could see. So, after much contemplation, I ordered this dress:

Gorgeous, but they didn't have my size!

Gorgeous, but they didn't have my size!

This is the Climbing Rose Embroidered Dress (and now it comes in blue!); I  just fell in love with this. Unfortunately, they no longer had my size. The lovely people at eShakti promptly emailed me to let me know I couldn’t get that dress, and asked me to pick another I might like. If I couldn’t find anything, they would refund my money, no questions asked. Now, that’s some customer service I can believe in. After some deliberation, I ordered this dress instead:

This will be the go-to summer dress this year!

This will be the go-to summer dress this year!

This is the Embroidered Ruched Sundress (also available in a lighter blue). When I got this in the mail, I squealed with delight. Often, the colors on my computer are way more vibrant than the actual garment. Not so in this case. It is an amazing, vibrant royal blue with cerulean, dove grey, and white embroidery. I ordered a 3x, but with the stretchy (and non-pinchy) ruching on the top, I could have gone a size down and had plenty of room. I’m keeping it because it’ll give me a chance to wear a fabulous belt, , and I just don’t get to wear my belts often. I’ll definitely be buying from them again, because when a company makes me have to grab my Crayola box in order to properly label their colors, I know I’ve found a good thing (I’m SUCH a color junkie!)

Speaking of color, I’m now going to show y’all what I picked up for the NYC trip.

Even though it gets cold here in Texas, I usually don’t need a wool coat. Up yonder, however, I figure I might want a wool coat so as to not lose a nipple or other useful body part. I want to know why in the mauve hell wool coats (or a warm coat, really) cost so damn much. I went round and round and round trying to find a coat at a reasonable price. While this coat from Target isn’t as low as I’d wanted to go, the color won out:

Bright, Beautiful, and Warm (hopefully!)

Bright, Beautiful, and Warm (hopefully!)

I haven’t gotten it in the mail yet, so I can’t attest to fit and warmth, but I have my fingers crossed that it will work out. Otherwise…back to the drawing board, I guess.

Second purchase: Boots. Now, I’m aware I don’t have to buy boots solely for my one trip to NY. Heh. I’m actually buying boots because my other pair met with an unfortunate accident known as Cobalt the Weimaraner. He was a cute puppy, but shoes shuddered at the sight of him! Now, my not-practical purchase was this pair from Lane Bryant:

Just for dressy events, I promise!

Just for dressy events, I promise!

I ordered them in Cedar, and I’m still waiting on them to get here. But I’m sure they’ll work out ok, and will look fabulous with my dress I’ll be wearing to church.

On the more practical side, I’m considering getting this pair of boots from Woman Within:

I want the black pair.

I want the black pair.

I’m still thinking about it. But the more I do, the more I like them.

To round out this post, let’s talk about jewelry! I’ve often heard Etsy discussed around the ‘sphere, but hadn’t had the chance to really check it out. Friday (payday!) I took a look-see.

Love. It. I bought some adorable earrings! I got sundae (yep, as in the hot fudge kind) earrings from this seller (and I’m totally going back for the pink frosted donuts–unless y’all get there first, that is), and happy smiling tofu and happy smiling onigiri studs from this seller.

It’s been some good shopping around these parts, and I wanted to share it with y’all.

Any suggestions for other things I should get before my trip to the frosty North (I did get some sweaters from Old Navy)? Tips for not freezing? You love/hate my picks? Leave ’em in comments!

01
Feb
09

Don’t Watch the Super Bowl? Shop Instead!

Howdy folks! I just figured I’d give some of you non-sports lovin’ folks something to do today.

That, and I wanted to warm y’all up for the huge shopping post coming tomorrow. I’ve been doing some serious shopping, y’all. But, it’s for a good reason! Promise!

Anyhow, if you don’t want to see the Super Bowl, and the Puppy Bowl isn’t appealing either, you could always head over to Sephora and stock up on some things. They have a great sale, with items up to 75% off, and, until February 2nd, if you enter code PLAYPRETTY at checkout, you’ll get free shipping–no minimum purchase required!

For those who are on a tighter budget (and really, who isn’t these days?), Eyes Lips Face has gorgeous makeup for fabulous prices every day. I’ve mentioned them before, but during this recession, it bears talking about anytime makeup is mentioned!

If you’re looking more for clothing than lipstick, head over to Old Navy. Until February 2, if you use checkout code HALFOFF, you can get 50% off of their clearance merchandise. Their partner company, Piperlime, has a sale on shoes, and any Piperlime purchase ships free.

That’s it on this end. Enjoy shopping, the Super Bowl, the puppies (and kittens!), the snacks, or your day off! I’ll see you tomorrow with the first official swag post of the year.

05
Nov
08

Realization of a Dream

Editor’s Note: I’ve tried to keep politics off of this blog, but I thought that this post, which is crossposted at The Personal is Political, is fitting, considering the outcome of this election.

One of the biggest moments in history happened to me when I was in high school. It was during AP American History that I and my classmates watched, spellbound, as the Twin Towers tumbled. “This is another day that will live in infamy,” I wrote in my journal that evening.

Tonight, I have been blessed to see yet another historical first. I was sitting in my chair, at my computer, glass of water in hand, when I and million others saw the projection: Obama has won the presidency.

I sniffled. I shed a tear or two. But more than that, I watched in awe, amazement, and delight that oh, dear goodness, a man of African descent has run for the highest office in the nation and won. No close calls, no Supreme Court decisions needed, just state after state of brilliant blue.

So many icons spoke of imagining a perfect world. This world isn’t anywhere near what one would deem perfect. But it feels that with this election, with this turnout, with millions of people in hundreds of countries have waited for with baited breath we, not just as a nation, but as a world have taken a crucial step towards perfection.

Do I expect that President-Elect Barack Obama will be the cure-all to what is wrong with the world? No, not remotely. I don’t feel any man or woman has that ability. But what I feel, deep within the confines of my soul, he is willing to listen to what the American people need and want, and will do what he can to aid countries who severely need our help, and will try to build better bridges with others.

Perhaps I’m a dreamer. But I’m not the only one.

I was a sophomore in high school when I first read the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s speech I’ve Been to the Mountaintop. A part in particular stood out for me:

Well, I don’t know what will happen now. We’ve got some difficult days ahead. But it doesn’t matter with me now. Because I’ve been to the mountaintop. And I don’t mind. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I’m not concerned about that now. I just want to do God’s will. And He’s allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I’ve looked over. And I’ve seen the promised land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land. And I’m happy, tonight. I’m not worried about anything. I’m not fearing any man. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord.

I often wondered what that promised land looked like. As I became even more militant, I wondered how in the world, after all MLK had seen, could he possibly see anything called a “promised land.” See, I always dreamt of running for president. But as I learned more about American history, I never thought I’d be able to do it. I’d be murdered on the spot, or I’d lose in disgrace. My skin color, in my mind, would prevent people from seeing the content of my character. In other words, unlike MLK, I feared man. I feared his ignorance. I feared.

Thanks to this election, and to this man who had to courage to run, I fear no longer. Thank you, President Obama, for allowing me to dream again.

16
Aug
08

More Reasons to Hate Shopping

Yesterday, in an attempt to beef up my professional wardrobe, I went shopping. I normally take the extreme casual approach to business wear but working in a metro marker, I don’t know how much  longer I am going to be able to away with that.  I decided to quit cold turkey and find my own way of playing the corporate game.

As a so-called “in betweenie” I thought I would press the easy button and head to the mainstream store hoping that with enough patience and luck i would be able to find something in my size, not too tight, not a curtain, and not some god awful loud pattern. (Not that I have anything against loud patterns, but I’m more of a basic palette person)

Now, I already hate shopping but this was a really unpleasant experience. Finding my size was a scavenger hunt. I know this means nothing to the FA big picture and should be expected but it is still frustrating. Really, really frustrating. I saw so many 4s, 6s, 8s, and 10s I was almost tempted to take it as a sign and play the fucking lottery. Maybe it was some sort of retail prank show. But there was no Ashton Kutcher waiting at the register when I went to pay for my 2 shirts that took me forever to find so I guess not.

Of course, this was nothing new. What I didn’t exect however were the dirty looks I got from the ultra trendy staff. My non working alter ego is a raging hippie, so apparently my jeans and john lennon t shirt was not the uniform. They were looking at me like I didn’t belong there. No one offered to help me. I had to practically help myself into the dressing room.

After being looked up and down by the fitting room attendant, dressing and undressing were very awkward. That is something I normally do liberally and with pleasure. What a terrible feeling.

So, a day later, I am so angry that I let these douche bags really get to me. I don’t really like shopping (mostly because I am indifferent to fashion) but I have learned that finding my own unique way of adhering to the appropriate dress rules for every occasion can be creative and fun. But I just couldn’t manage to set my mind to it after encountering the same treatment in three different stores.

And then to make matters worse, I vented my frustrations on the phone to my mother who “shared” my opinion and voiced her own. She wishes that mainstream stores had more options for “today’s woman” as she says. I love my mother and I know she means well but what does “today’s woman” really mean. As far as I know, yesterday and the day before that the average woman was my freakin’ size. It makes more since to call it since the beginning of time woman! That would at least be somewhat accurate.

I don’t know what’s worse…the fact that only smaller women are permitted by society to shop in public or the fact that treating a person with dignity isn’t a universal rule. I suppose they are one in the same. It’s just so annoying.

21
Jul
08

Bad Body Day : Lightbulb!

Today was my first day at my brand new job and as a member of corporate America (part time anyway). Typically, I have terrible anxiety. For some reason, I deal with anxiety through a series of quasi-obsessive compulsive behaviors and general over-preparation.

So, amidst all of these behaviors yesterday afternoon, in preparation for work, I became fixated on finding the right thing to wear. I tried on every item of clothing in my closet that I could possibly wear to work (which isn’t as much as some people, I know, but still significant). While the purpose of this activity was, in theory, planning a weeks worth of outfits and seeing which items are okay to be paired together, it somehow became another animal.

Side note: For people who know me this is not even close to normal behavior. I have always been basically indifferent towards clothing, going for whatever makes me feel comfortable and doesn’t have to be ironed.

I began to notice how things looked on my body. I started thinking things like “Does this make me look fat?” “How does my butt look in these pants?” And what seems to be this ongoing concern over my hair. Then a light bulb went off.

Coupled with all of my other methods for dealing with my anxiety I realized that these thoughts were directly related to my brain’s poor attempt at coping with stress. I deal with the unknown by obsessing over things I can control. Being overtly body conscious is one such behavior.

My second realization was that this kind of behavior takes on a whole new meaning when you see it in yourself rather than in someone else.

So, all in all, my bad body day ended in an important realization about myself. It is so important to make connections with my behavior to continue on this journey of accepting my body and all that comes along with it.




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