Archive for the 'WTF' Category



01
Feb
08

Well. It’s Come To This.

I’ve had folks tell me that the best way to get fat folks to lose weight is to ban them from restaurants.

Well. Congratulations, Mississippi! You have been the first state to lose its fucking mind!

You know, I was gonna write a whole rant about this. I had it planned in my head. But seriously? The stupidity of this law…I think my brain is about 5 minutes from going all asplodey. Seriously. And um, y’all legislators do realize that quite a few fat folks come to Mississippi to, well, eat, right? As a southerner (and I lived in Mississippi for a time), I know that some of the best cuisine comes from the Delta. So, you’re willing to a) fuck up people’s livelihoods and b) fuck up the tourism industry just because y’all want to make a statement about obesity?

Yeah. That’s it. This just might be the STUPIDEST fuckin’ thing a state has done. It’s like Jim Crow all over again. Unbelievable.

So, if y’all wanna get your protest on (and you KNOW these folks are getting an eloquent angry letter from me), here’s some contact info, via JoGeek.

If there are folks there in Mississippi that are not registered, y’all please go and make that happen. Tomorrow. Because there’s no telling what else will be proposed in other states. Make swift work of this, and go forth and snuff out this scourge.*

*And when I say snuff, people? That’s a synonym for “stop”. I am NOT, under any circumstances, advocating violence of any kind. Trust me, a legal action (voting against this, protesting, writing eloquent angry letters) gets one much farther than acting like a brute.

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17
Jan
08

It’s Official: I’ve Heard Everything

Via JoGeek, I have now learned that driving while fat is on the same level of driving under the influence.

Folks, I don’t make up the news. I just report it.

So, researchers in Australia have found that folks with higher BMIs pose risks on the road, because with higher BMIs come a greater risk of lethargy.

Study supervisor Dr Sara Lal says driving with sleep apnoea is effectively the same as drink driving due its similar effect on brain activity.

Wait, so all fat people have sleep apnea now? I wasn’t aware, considering, I, you know, DON’T HAVE IT.

Ms Pe Benito said the results defied some of the conventional wisdom about the differences between young and more seasoned drivers.

“For young drivers we found that the strongest predictors of crashing were body mass index (BMI) and regular alcohol consumption – as distinct from driving under the influence of alcohol,” she said.

“Obesity is a significant risk factor shared with older drivers. High BMI goes hand-in-hand with increased levels of lethargy, the rapid onset of fatigue and slower reaction times.

Good Lord. Did I get Bingo yet? Oh, boy. So, essentially, my fat makes me lethargic, fatigued, and slow to respond. And all of that plus a car equals accident, y’all. But see, it was the last part of the second article that struck me.

“However, there was no significant difference in brain activity and mood between young and older drivers and no association found between mood and driving performance,” Ms Pe Benito said.

Now see, this statement in and of itself lets me know that the study is bunk. It’s either that, or the good folks Down Under don’t have a such thing as road rage. In just about every state I have lived in, I’ve heard reports of folks driving badly while angry. And I don’t mean just speeding. I mean speeding to pull up next to to the offending car to shout obscenities, throw objects, or in the most extreme cases, to shoot into the car. In all seriousness. There have been children murdered in road rage incidents. But there’s no significant difference in brain activity and mood?

Oh, and will this study provide a new police charge: DWF (that’s driving while fat, natch)? And is it considered a double offence if the person driving is both fat AND drunk? The mind boggles, y’all.

You know, I say this every time a “study” is released to the world: I want to know where the research money is coming from! I can discover foolishness too. I can! Just give me a reason, and where to look for it, and I PROMISE you I can deliver some grade A foolishness.

But you know…I don’t think my foolishness could ever top this one. At all.

13
Jan
08

In Which I Question Some Folks’ Sanity

So, BuddingStarlet gave me a call today to tell me that there was an American couple that plans to open a theme park in Haiti.

I’m all…ok. Why is this news?

Her: “Guess what the theme is?”

Me: “I don’t want to.”

Her: “You shouldn’t, but I’m gonna tell you anyhow. It’s slavery. Tourists come to the park and get to experience slavery.”

You know, I’ve seen and heard of many things in my short time here. But never, EVER in a million years did I think folks could actually decide that slavery would be an excellent idea for entertainment. So, I’m thinking…maybe people are playing a joke. Nobody could possibly be that insensitive to a barbaric event in history. So I Google it.

Yep, people really ARE that fucking insensitive

So, for folks who manage to find this post via a search (either because you want to know more about it, or because you, like me, couldn’t believe it) I am a Black woman, and anything I have to say about this from here on out is gonna be biased. Prep yourself for it now.

Can anyone…anyone at all…explain to me how in the mauve hell this could be considered entertainment of any kind? Because by calling it a theme park, that automatically designates the place as a forum for happiness and fun. There wasn’t a damn thing about slavery that was entertaining, happy, or fuckin’ fun. And if these folks saw the happy, I for damn sure want to see the history book they were taught from, cause my personal research as well as studies in school don’t reflect that ideal AT ALL.

Now, I was wondering where the inspiration for the park came from. I wanted reasons. Answers! Now! Well, I didn’t get that. Not from this article, anyway. What I got was:

Mrs Bluntschli said: ‘Slavery is a terrible wound. Germany is still suffering trying to get over the Holocaust, and this is a Holocaust that happened for centuries.’

Alright. I think I’m gonna do some reading between the lines here. Is she saying that perhaps in folks experiencing slavery, they can maybe understand it? And then this will silence the folks (both black and white) that say, “You don’t understand how the slaves suffered!” And in so doing, make people leave slavery in the past? And I ask this because I have had countless debates on how Black people always harp on slavery and use it as a scapegoat for all of the issues that Black Americans suffer.

I’m about to piss some folks off, so I apologize in advance.

Slavery is an issue today more than anything else because of the lack of equality on all levels. Hell, I came into this world with two strikes against me: I’m Black and I’m a woman. I, as many Black women, have to work twice as hard, because I’m fighting against both racial and gender stereotypes. All of this stems from the view of the Black woman slave: we’re not good for much more than cookin’, breedin’, and obeyin’. In twelve hours, these people expect to actually show how women were raped and brutalized, their children ripped from their arms and taken to God knows where, never to be seen again? In twelve hours, these people think that simulating being kidnapped and forced onto a slave ship is gonna adequately show the inhumane and unsanitary conditions my ancestors had to face? How these slaves were bound and stacked into compartments so that they couldn’t even move to pee? Cause you KNOW they had to relieve themselves on each other. They had no option. They were stunted intellectually because knowledge is indeed power, and just learning how to read could result in slaves being deliberately blinded? See, whippin’ ain’t all that the slaveholders had to do. It was all out psychological warfare. Is any of that being simulated?

Oh, and once all that is done, will they have to go out into the world knowing that for the next hundred or so years, their descendants are gonna be spat upon, raped, lynched, shot, bombed, sprayed with high power hoses, and attacked by guard dogs? Cause that’s the next link in the understanding, now. Don’t just half-step.

All that ranting is to say that no amount of simulation is gonna teach anybody anything they didn’t know about slavery. With the advent of the computer and Internet, people can look up and read horror stories from slavery times till they’re blue in the face. And they still won’t know the stigma that is being a Black person in America unless they instantly transform into a Black person and have to live in a world where folks with the same education level don’t get the same jobs and pay, get followed through stores by salespeople that are CONVINCED they’re gonna shoplift because of the color of their skin, or pulled over because they’re in “the wrong neighborhood.”

Oh, and please don’t give me that foolishness that “Blacks need to let slavery be in the past and move on.” Because as I’ve stated above, in 200-fuckin-8 we are STILL feeling the consequences of slavery. We can’t move on, because way too often I hear about folks being discriminated against in one form or the other. And now folks want to scream reverse racism because of affirmative action. I know what you’re thinking. “You’re always saying you want equality, but affirmative action doesn’t promote equality because it’s only for people of color!” Good point. However, in an ideal world folks wouldn’t have to worry about that, because they’d be accepted on merit. In a day and age where a person with a more ethnic name has a harder time getting hired, I’m sorry, but I worry sometimes if folks would ever hire people of color at all if not for affirmative action.

I understand the need for folks to know where they come from. I do, seriously. But you can’t make me believe that a 12 hour experience is gonna mirror 400 years of torture. You just can’t.

It’s times like this I question folks’ sanity. Or at least, their humanity.

For the record: I’m aware that this park focuses on slavery in Haiti, and not slaves in America. However, I still have a problem because slavery issues intertwine. I’m sure quite a few of y’all are aware of the issues that Haitians face both there and here in the States, should they even make it here. It just isn’t right on ANY level.

11
Jan
08

I’m Shocked! No, Not Really.

Wow. Ok, so via the good folks at Yahoo! News (and the wonderful Kate), I have now learned that my fat is a lifestyle choice.

Yep. I’ve deliberately decided to be fat. I mean, I rolled over one morning, admired my size 4 curves in the mirror and thought….nah. I should TOTALLY gorge myself on the baby donuts I hear about and sit on my ass everyday until I hit the sizes 20-24 range.

What the FUCK, yo. We’re not gonna go into the whole “simple formula” to losing weight thing (burning more calories than what one takes in=thin) foolishness right now. Cause based on that I really WOULD be a size 4. What I want to focus on is the societal ramifications of being fat.

So, what this supposed expert is telling me is that I want to be ridiculed? That I ENJOY my family bestowing the wonderful “you’d be so beautiful if you’d just lose 10/50/100 pounds” phrase on me? That I love men “complimenting” me on my size because that means “you know how to cook! we see you ain’t missed a meal, so your man won’t either!” I’m deliberately choosing to elicit stares when I order food at a restaurant or at a food court in a mall? Seriously, though?

Or, even better, I’m ASKING for my treatment, because the expert says it’s a lifestyle choice. And with these choices come consequences, right? Have mercy.

Ok, I’ll leave that soapbox alone for the time being. Let’s get into what this health economist had to say.

“Obesity is a natural extension of an advancing economy. As you become a First World economy and you get all these labor-saving devices and low-cost, easily accessible foods, people are going to eat more and exercise less,” health economist Eric Finkelstein told AFP.

Hm. America is becoming a First World economy. Ok, so how does Mr. Finkelstien gather we’ve become this booming economy? By working, right? Now, if the poorer folks weren’t doing all this doggone working so that the economy could be boosted–and I’m not talkin’ regular 9-5 type work, I’m talkin’ 12-18 hours a DAY–while the richer folks continue to make money without consideration to their poorer workers, there wouldn’t be a NEED for labor saving devices and low-cost, easily accessible foods. Quite a few folks can’t afford rent or electricity and have to choose between feeding their kids and keeping a roof over their heads. And it seems to me that if with this advancing economy folks STILL have to live like that, we ain’t becoming a damn thing except a fancy Third World country. We just have a government that cares enough about its own image to try and do some things to help. But Welfare and Medicaid/care can’t do but so much. So, I’m gonna leap of the economy soapbox and continue with the health ramifications we fat folk have pounded in our head on a daily basis.

Naturally, with an article like this comes the OMGOBESITYEPIDEMIC!!!!1! assertion: when you get fat, you are susceptible to all kinds of diseases. Yes, folks, let us continue to beat this dead horse about how unhealthy fat is. But essentially, Mr. Finkelstein is saying that since medicine has improved so vastly, folks can choose to be obese. The repercussions aren’t that great anymore.

“When you have a first-rate medical system that can cure the diseases that obesity promotes, you no longer need to worry so much about being obese,” he told AFP.

“With our ever-advancing modern medicine there helping to save the day (at least for many people), are government and the media blowing the magnitude of the ‘obesity crisis’ out of proportion?” his book says….and draws the conclusion that “many individuals are making a conscious decision to engage in a lifestyle that is obesity-promoting.”

“People make choices, and some people will choose a weight that the public health community might be unhappy about. Why should we try to make them thinner?” Finkelstein said.

I was under the impression that there was no more obesity epidemic. Silly me. Anyhow, I reckon, as I have stated above, there are some pretty good reasons to worry about being obese. Not because fat is a bad thing that must be abolished (as every health expert/diet company/someone’s mother wants you to know) but because of the social stigma that is having wobbly bits. So, did the article find a regular person to say that no…fat really isn’t a choice? Of course! And they found a doctor, too! Here they are, in their own words:

Obesity is not a choice for Alley English, a 28-year-old mother from Missouri who has struggled with a weight problem all her life.

“If you knew that you could be what society considers normal, why would you not choose to do that?” English told AFP.

“As we get older, life does get more rushed and we do tend to make the easier choices sometimes,” English, who currently weighs 392 pounds (178 kilograms), told AFP.

“But you can’t say if you quit going to the drive-through, exercise more and eat more vegetables, you’ll lose weight. There are so many more factors involved.”

[Linda] Gotthelf also disagreed that people choose to be obese.

“There are studies in which people have said they would rather lose a limb or be blind than obese. Being obese is not a desire,” she said.

“For many, this is a problem they have struggled with for many years… it gets discouraging after a while,” she said.

“I would not doubt that if you asked obese people if they could push a button and not be obese, close to 100 percent would say they would push the button.”

Ok, y’all really didn’t have any hope for the doctor, huh? Me neither. I left out the other Sanity Watchers point eating statement she said before this one. You’re welcome. However, I have to differ about being “normal.” I’d never want to “push a button and no longer be obese.” I’d love to push a button and zap the bigots to another dimension. I’d love to push a button and end all the wars and conflict. But since I know my weight has nothing to do with my health, getting rid of it isn’t important. I’m all about my health. I want to be and feel strong. Be in shape. And “in shape” shouldn’t have jack shit to do with size, although unfortunately in this world it does. I’m just tired. Tired of folks assuming things about others’ lifestyles as if it’s their God given right to tell me how to live.

But, you know, I’m fat, and since it’s a choice, I TOTALLY asked for it.

06
Dec
07

Guest Blogger BuddingStarlet: Why, America, Why?!

I’ve mentioned in previous posts about the Santa Fat-Hate that seems to be gripping the nation this year. Well, when I found that the hate has come across the big water to America, I emailed BuddingStarlet the article to get her take on it. Once I got done laughing at her initial reaction, I asked her to write me a post…just so she could let us know how she really felt. So, here she is, in her own words. Disclaimer: All views expressed in this guest post do not in any way reflect upon the owner of this blog. 🙂

by BuddingStarlet

Ya know, I love America. Land of the Free and the Home of the Band Wagon. I was sitting at work today minding my own business and dodging actually doing the act of work, when I received my daily rant from FashionableNerd. I thought I would just about fall out and die when I finished the article. Really America? Really? Why must we jump on the “Santa-is-too-fat-and-needs-to-be-a-better-role-model-for-the-children” band wagon? Why? When we decided that it was a good idea to wear snow boots in the summertime, did I comment? Yes, but only to my closest friends… and out of ear shot of the poor soul who did not know the difference in her seasons. When we decided that it was the best idea of all time to cut out our insides to become thin, I cringed, but held my sisters hand when she decided to have the procedure. I even bought into the Weight Watchers foolishness for about two seconds then realized that there was no way that I had enough time, energy, or interest to calculate food points. And what are food points anyway? But I digress. The point is America, I have gone along with your foolishness for long enough. You can bully the UN into listening to your craziness. But you can not bully Santa!

I mean, I am really trying to understand this. Who can hate Santa? If not for the whole breaking and entering thing he would be considered a Saint. (And even then it’s only once a year, and we encourage it by leaving out foods. Shoot! Give me a cookie and a glass of milk and I would break and enter too!) What happened to the real meaning of Christmas? Peace on Earth, goodwill towards men, Fa la la la la, and Christmas carols 24/7 on the lite rock radio stations that play Delilah’s show? What happened to attempting to stay awake all night to get a glimpse of that “belly that shook like a bowl of jelly”? Heck, what happened to the superficial meaning of Christmas? You know the whole, “I don’t really care how it gets here or by whom, but I want a red Ryder Bee-Bee gun for Christmas” attitude? Remember when Santa used to bring you so much joy? I do. But now we insult him and call him fat. He obviously is not too fat because he seems to fit into our chimneys year after year to deliver gifts to all of the brats good little girls and boys of the world! And lets not even get on the HA HA HA greeting as opposed to the traditional greeting. That is just too stupid to touch. Especially when we all know there are other, more urgent things to obsess about (i.e: Darfur). Noooo, we have to save all of our energies for bullying poor Santa!

What is going on? Did we as Americans decide that we would become conscious over night? Did we decide that we should jump on a cause just because the Australians { and the English–Ed.} decided to attack Santa?  So now I am being ornery, but this is what you get when you mess with Santa! Sue me!

All I am saying is, if the OMGOBESITYEPIDEMIC!!! folks of the world want an  ACTUAL epidemic to jump on, please feel free to jump on one that matters. Try…oh I don’t know…homelessness, or starvation, or HIV/AIDS. I don’t care, choose one! Just choose one that makes sense. And as for you, oh beloved America… for real? Come on now. We are at War with Terrorism. (I still don’t really know what that means because I thought you declare war on countries, people, ethnicities even. You know, tangible things. But that is another rant for another blog.) I just thought that since we have decided that it was necessary to send the flower of our youth to war, including not one, not two, but three of my own beloved family members, WE WOULD TALK ABOUT THINGS THAT MATTER! But hey, nowhere in the Constitution does it say that we have to be a country that makes sense.

06
Nov
07

Some Folks Just Shouldn’t Be Allowed on TV or the Internet

Now, I’m a huge fan of Dr. Phil, because I prefer real drama to dramatized drama (i.e., soap operas). So, I flip to today’s episode and today’s topic is about folks who have judgmental issues. Nah, seriously, y’all. I thought I had issues….yeah, not so much. So, we have a man-hater, a chauvinist, a misanthrope, a racist Black woman (ahem, she doesn’t like black folks–more on this later), a “morally righteous” (their wording, we may use the term “Bible-thumper” instead, although it’s not such a nice term), and a….well, “ugly person” hater (we’d call her a bitch. And I absolutely abhor that word…but, well…)

Whew. Now, I was aware such people existed. Hell, every once and a while I throw on my bitch cape. I can’t see doing it every day, though. As a Black woman, I’m fully aware that there are some folks within my race who aren’t happy being Black, who feel they cannot identify with the culture, and wish they could be different. I’m aware that said Black folks hold the same convictions that the stereotypical Caucasian bigot tends to hold (I say stereotypical because well, White folks ain’t the only folks who take issue with Blacks.) But I’m not gonna be upset about this woman who sees Black folks as “trashy, ghetto” people. I’m just gonna chalk it up to ignorance and pray she sees the light.

What I do want to focus on, however, are the self-professed Man-Hater and the Chauvinist.

Y’all might wanna go grab a snack and a drink for this one. G’head, I’ll wait. Ready? Ok.

So, the Man-Hater is, of course, a woman. She says she speaks down to men like the (insert random animal here) they are. They aren’t capable of thinking with their brains, they think below the waist. And, ok, while that may be true for some men (or at least the asses I dated), this cannot be said for all. And to lump the inherent jackasses with the good men is just damn dumb. If you expect all men will be assholes to you, then they WILL be assholes to you (in the case where men are assholes simply to be assholes, then you should tell them so, and politely tell them to fuck off. Just sayin’.)

And this leads me to the Chauvinist. Dear God in Heaven. Now, I should specify, as “Dick” (heh. fitting name, isn’t it?) has on the show, that he doesn’t HATE women. No, no, quite the contrary, he just thinks men are better.

*headdesk*

Now, if you choose to peruse his website (tread carefully ladies, because his “truth” shall offend your soft sensibilities), you’ll see gems such as “Every Woman is a Cheating Whore” (word?), “Feminism is Stupid,” “Women Would Vote for Hitler,” (*snort*) and finally, the creme de la creme that is “Date Rape is a Myth.”(the fuck?!) But no, he doesn’t HATE women, folks. *derisive eye roll* But not only does he only proclaim his supremacy, he put all his bullshit on the ‘Net for the world to see. And there are MEN WHO BUY INTO IT. *sigh* It’s becoming an infestation. These men make a good case for the Man-Hater above: they’re jackasses.

Well, since he put his opinion on the net for the world to see, I’ll give my totally non-medical analysis of his behavior (not into the whole “women are better than men” argument: I believe all sexes are equal. Weird, ain’t it?) But my analysis isn’t that revolutionary: someone hurt him.

Yep. Somebody must have made him feel less than he was. Which sucks in general. However, he’s decided to allow that ego wound to fester and has now infected the world with his chauvinism. It’s a whole power thing: if he can shame a woman, he feels better, and if he can find co-signers, that just makes it better. And all this just makes him even more pathetic.

But y’know, I’m a woman. So my opinion is like, so unimportant. *head shake*

Yeah. This bunch of folks makes me wonder why we can’t make folks get a license to use certian media. Oh, right, right. That whole free speech thing. Damn.

06
Nov
07

*sob* LEAVE SANTA ALONE!!!!11!!! *sob*

Now see…I haven’t been writing, because I haven’t felt my typical self (I’m getting my life together. And for the erroneous trolls that may be lurking, hell no, I ain’t dieting). And then I read this post over at The F-Word.

Santa is being told to shift the pounds before Christmas – because the obese saint is failing to set a “good example” for children.

The traditional children’s hero, best known for feasting on mince pies left out on Christmas eve, has always sported a bulging midriff.

But shopping centre bosses are giving the well-wisher his marching orders – to the nearest gym – to tackle the increasing problem of obesity.

Oh, my dear sweet God on HIGH! So (and I feel the need to do this with every discovery I make) MY fat will make me dumb, is contagious, will cause a host of cancers, and in late breaking news, kids, threatens national security, and now SANTA’S fat is gonna make little kids fat because they look up to him? And as a result, you’re putting him through Santa Boot Camp?! Who in the mauve hell’s bright idea was this?

No, seriously. They have a Santa Boot Camp:

Bluewater shopping centre in Greenhithe, Kent, has even gone one step further and set-up a Santa boot camp.

Fiona Campbell-Reilly, spokeswoman at the shopping centre, said: “Santa has been around for years, but society has changed and our Santa needs to reflect this.

“Bluewater’s Santa Boot Camp is getting Santa in shape and setting a good example to children who idolise him.

“He will still be the same lovable jolly man, but will be fitter and healthier.”

Now, for the sake of argument, if the world is getting fatter (ahem: “The revelation comes after a medical report earlier this month stated that by 2050 more than 50 per cent of Brits will be obese.”) does it make sense to anyone else to make Santa SMALLER? If the OMGOBESITYEPIDEMIC folks are to be believed, then Santa ought to be packing on a couple of pounds, not taking them off. I’m just saying. And if we’re gonna “reflect” this supposed change in size of the world, making him skinny ain’t gonna cut it, Jack. We’re trying to be AUTHENTIC here, folks!

And secondly…kids look up to Santa as a patron saint of fat? I mean, I looked up to him (and still do, ’cause he’s REAL dammit!) for his acts of charity and good will towards children. I mean, if I were physically (and financially) able to give all the children of the world toys, I’d do it in a hot minute. I envy this man. He can give folks presents, AND they give him free food (here in the States, we tend to leave Ol’ Saint Nick cookies and milk as opposed to mince pie, so he gets a nice variety. I actually left him a sandwich one year. Turkey, on whole wheat!) But we’re just gonna be real: many kids ain’t looking at what Santa LOOKS LIKE, they look at what Santa DOES, i.e., leave them gifts.

And I might also add that those who DO emulate Santa aren’t trying to put on weight (so wait, are these folks insinuating that all fat folks are fat because we CHOOSE to be? We’ve told folks otherwise, right? If not, that’s a rant for another day) but are again, emulating his GOOD DEEDS.

But no. Let’s take away Santa and make him thin. Because he’s making children fat, just like their lack of sleep.




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