Resolve to Love You

Ah, yes. It’s back. It’s that time of year where folks begin to regret the relaxation they experienced over the holidays…and begin to plan their yearly assault on the fat. And the diet industry has been feeding on the soon-to-be more prominent mass hysteria that is the “Lose Weight and Look Great!” resolution.

As I’m lolling in bed this morning, contemplating an old fashioned southern breakfast (eggs, toast, southern style hash browns–the ‘tatoes are cubed and not shredded–grits, sausage, y’know, the usual), I see the now infamous “Diets don’t work” commercial from the Weight Watchers, the Special K commercial where the child mistakes Mom for Santa (*massive sigh*), the NutriSystem commercial where their success stories are participating in a fashion show(the phrase “NutriSexy” was thrown about. I giggled uproariously), and finally, the commercial whose message I’d like to focus on today, the Jenny Craig commercial in which an emotional Valerie Bertinelli says she’ll wake up on January 1 and not worry about her weight.

Ok, first, let me just say any one (man, woman, child, dog, cat) who can wake up on New Year’s and not feel like they have to do a Draconian weight loss program is doin’ big things in life. I just wish that Ms. Bertinelli didn’t have to LOSE weight in order to allow herself the pass on WORRYING about her weight another year.

I sense jaws dropping. It’s a revolutionary thought, isn’t it?

As has been discussed in the Fantasy of Being Thin thread over at Kate’s place, folks hinge so much on being thin they forget to live life. So essentially, the majority of what folks sink into the first of the year is the “I GOTTA lose weight” mantra because they wholeheartedly feel that their lives don’t begin until they fit into any size that’s smaller than the size they wear now. And as a result, if folks fall off the wagon for whatever reason, all of their OTHER goals that they had set for “when I become a size ____” will automatically fall by the wayside. Because you can’t learn another language/how to sew/how to make sushi so on and so forth unless you fit into a size 2, right? Because you can’t love yourself/love your life/ get a husband or wife if you’re fat, right? So folks close themselves into bubbles and shut themselves into corners because they just know their lives will be less enriched without that damned scale saying the right numbers.

One’s sanity, one’s peace of mind, one’s WORTH, cannot be determined by numbers on a scale, y’all. Your waistline does not say anything about the person that you are. So, for the love of sweet creamery butter, do NOT allow the onslaught of new diet/weight-loss ads and the upcoming premiere of the Biggest Loser determine what your resolutions this year are, folks. Resolve to be just like Valerie Bertinelli: wake up tomorrow and NOT worry about your weight.

And if you use up all of your Sanity Watchers points just by tuning in to say, a cartoon or movie on the tube, go over to this thread here and immerse yourself in other folks resolutions…ones that have nothing to do with weight loss and everything to do with living life.

Happy New Year, y’all!

Happy Holidays!

 Merry Christmas, y’all. I hope Santa brings each of you what you’ve asked for. And for those who don’t celebrate…enjoy your day off!

Are Y’all Done Shopping Yet?

Cause this here kitty is.

moar funny pictures

Captioned by yours truly!

Happiness is…

…a warm, relaxing bath. Especially if the water is golden.

Say what? How’d I manage to take a bath in golden water? Heh. Well, sit back for a review of my new favorite place to get bath products, y’all. It’s all at Lush.

First, the disclaimer: These good folks aren’t giving me anything to sing their praises. But since Christmas is practically upon us, and we have to travel to the relatives’ houses (which is the last thing some folks want to do. I know, I know.), I’m all about treating yourself to a great gift to de-stress before and after the encounter.

Now, awhile back, I bought myself some treats at Lush as part of my graduation gift to myself. I tucked them in my toiletry drawer, and well, kinda forgot about them. As I was on my cleaning and decorating spree, I found them, still festively wrapped in their cellophane baggies (and colorful curly ribbon) waiting for me to use. And I thought..shucks. Why not?

So, I grabbed my little baggies and went to take a bath in Mom’s wonderful (huge!) tub.   Yeah. This lovely sparkly green thing is the Avobath bath bomb. I only used half (cause I wanted to conserve) and it still filled the tub with this pretty green hue. As it’s name implies, there’s avocado oil in it, and it’s scented with bergamot and lemongrass. Very light and clean.

But that wasn’t enough for me. I wanted bubbles. Good thing I had a bubble bath bar. What’s that? Well, it’s bubble bath…in a bar form (heh. simple, ain’t it? :lol:)

 You just crumble bits underneath the running water for all the bubbles you can stand. I only needed about a fourth of my bubble bath bar.

I got this one here:  

Oh, yeah. That golden circle of happiness is the Sunny Side bubble bar. The best thing about it? It leaves wonderous golden swirls in the water. Once your bubbles die down, you can see the swirls as you run your fingers in the water. If the citrus smell doesn’t relax you, the swirls will. The glitter doesn’t stick to you, by the way, so you don’t have to worry about looking like one of your Christmas ornaments. Which is great, because once you get done soaking in the pretty green-gold flecked water, you’re gonna be soft as one of those cuddly teddy bears in the stores. And uber-relaxed, too.

There are many other bath bombs and bubble bars for you to experiment with. When Santa brings me the money I so nicely asked him for, (once I pay bills) I’m gonna go back to Lush and see what else I can find.

So, I take this time to remind all of you (as I reminded myself, in the most round-about way imaginable) to treat yourselves this holiday season. Take time out to relax, especially if you’re gonna have to deal with difficult family members.

All right. Now that I’m done relaxing, I’m gonna get back to my cookie baking (cause happiness is also a warm cookie, dont’cha know.) Happy shopping and Happy Holidays, y’all!

9 Days Till Christmas…

…and decorating in my house is full swing, y’all. Whew. Deck the halls, huh? Well, I believe we’ve decked everything EXCEPT  the halls. So, my stockings I told you about all came out beautifully. I really am gonna put some pictures up for y’all. Really I am. I figured I’d just wait till the house was completely done and do one whole long Christmas post for you.

I love this time of year. It’s nice and frosty (although the Weather Channel tells me we won’t be getting any snow. *sigh*), there are lights up all over the neighborhood, and holiday music is in heavy rotation. What am I up to today? Well, since my money is funny (and my credit won’t get it), I’m giving the gift of delicious this year, and making cookies and cards to send my friends. At the very least, I know folks will indeed appreciate a good box of chocolate chip cookies and stuff. So, to tide you good folks over till the decorating post, I found this little gem on YouTube. Enjoy, and Happy Holidays!

Y’all Go Generate Some Good Karma

…and head over to the (very cute and amusing) website Keep Santa Fat. As commenter Rob J says:

Sign the petition and let these people know who really needs to “lighten up”. Also, for every signature collected a pound of food will be donated to America’s Second Harvest.

And I’m all about doing good for someone while taking a stand. So, if you want to help Santa keep his jellyesque belly AND donate some food to the hungry, y’all go click the link above and sign. You can also donate directly to America’s Second Harvest via the site, and any merchandice you buy will also benefit ASH. Ok, so what are y’all waiting for? Go click! 🙂

Ok, back to my Christmas stockings (pictures coming soon!)

My Christmas List

I was always one of those kids who had a mile long list for Santa every year. Once, I took the JC Penney toy catalogue, circled what I wanted, and left it by the fireplace, complete with Post-It notes for easy reference.

What? All I wanted was what I had coming to me. All I wanted was my fair share! (Bonus points if y’all can identify the ‘toon that came from.)

I toyed with the idea of making a Christmas list (yes, folks. At 22, I still make them, mostly at the request of my mother). And when I started writing it…I realized I don’t really want gifts in the general sense of the word. I want intangibles.

For example:

1. World Peace ( I don’t care that it’s cheesy. I’m sick of folks dying senseless deaths, yo.)
2. Equality (For fat folks and for thin, for all races and genders…EVERYBODY)
3. Health care for all, not just those that can afford it
4. Education for all, not just those that can afford it
5. Food for all…and not just those who can afford it (I reckon y’all see where this is going, so I’ll stop here.)

Then it got a bit more about me:

1. I want a job. And not just any job, folks, I want a job that fits me…and it uses my degree fully, and can keep me from being broke.
2. I want to be able to take pictures and not shy away from the camera.

And after all that…it then turned into something one can buy in a store. Because I want a bike. And a puppy.

Heh. Well, perhaps I’ll get to work on what I’ll get BuddingStarlet for Kwanzaa this year: peace (last year she asked for serenity–I did a Build a Bear and named her Serenity). I’m gonna get a pretty box that says “Peace: open and inhale as needed.” And I’ll wrap it up in pretty paper.

Happy Holiday Shopping, y’all!

Guest Blogger BuddingStarlet: Why, America, Why?!

I’ve mentioned in previous posts about the Santa Fat-Hate that seems to be gripping the nation this year. Well, when I found that the hate has come across the big water to America, I emailed BuddingStarlet the article to get her take on it. Once I got done laughing at her initial reaction, I asked her to write me a post…just so she could let us know how she really felt. So, here she is, in her own words. Disclaimer: All views expressed in this guest post do not in any way reflect upon the owner of this blog. 🙂

by BuddingStarlet

Ya know, I love America. Land of the Free and the Home of the Band Wagon. I was sitting at work today minding my own business and dodging actually doing the act of work, when I received my daily rant from FashionableNerd. I thought I would just about fall out and die when I finished the article. Really America? Really? Why must we jump on the “Santa-is-too-fat-and-needs-to-be-a-better-role-model-for-the-children” band wagon? Why? When we decided that it was a good idea to wear snow boots in the summertime, did I comment? Yes, but only to my closest friends… and out of ear shot of the poor soul who did not know the difference in her seasons. When we decided that it was the best idea of all time to cut out our insides to become thin, I cringed, but held my sisters hand when she decided to have the procedure. I even bought into the Weight Watchers foolishness for about two seconds then realized that there was no way that I had enough time, energy, or interest to calculate food points. And what are food points anyway? But I digress. The point is America, I have gone along with your foolishness for long enough. You can bully the UN into listening to your craziness. But you can not bully Santa!

I mean, I am really trying to understand this. Who can hate Santa? If not for the whole breaking and entering thing he would be considered a Saint. (And even then it’s only once a year, and we encourage it by leaving out foods. Shoot! Give me a cookie and a glass of milk and I would break and enter too!) What happened to the real meaning of Christmas? Peace on Earth, goodwill towards men, Fa la la la la, and Christmas carols 24/7 on the lite rock radio stations that play Delilah’s show? What happened to attempting to stay awake all night to get a glimpse of that “belly that shook like a bowl of jelly”? Heck, what happened to the superficial meaning of Christmas? You know the whole, “I don’t really care how it gets here or by whom, but I want a red Ryder Bee-Bee gun for Christmas” attitude? Remember when Santa used to bring you so much joy? I do. But now we insult him and call him fat. He obviously is not too fat because he seems to fit into our chimneys year after year to deliver gifts to all of the brats good little girls and boys of the world! And lets not even get on the HA HA HA greeting as opposed to the traditional greeting. That is just too stupid to touch. Especially when we all know there are other, more urgent things to obsess about (i.e: Darfur). Noooo, we have to save all of our energies for bullying poor Santa!

What is going on? Did we as Americans decide that we would become conscious over night? Did we decide that we should jump on a cause just because the Australians { and the English–Ed.} decided to attack Santa?  So now I am being ornery, but this is what you get when you mess with Santa! Sue me!

All I am saying is, if the OMGOBESITYEPIDEMIC!!! folks of the world want an  ACTUAL epidemic to jump on, please feel free to jump on one that matters. Try…oh I don’t know…homelessness, or starvation, or HIV/AIDS. I don’t care, choose one! Just choose one that makes sense. And as for you, oh beloved America… for real? Come on now. We are at War with Terrorism. (I still don’t really know what that means because I thought you declare war on countries, people, ethnicities even. You know, tangible things. But that is another rant for another blog.) I just thought that since we have decided that it was necessary to send the flower of our youth to war, including not one, not two, but three of my own beloved family members, WE WOULD TALK ABOUT THINGS THAT MATTER! But hey, nowhere in the Constitution does it say that we have to be a country that makes sense.

Bread Has Been Blacklisted

It seems every other day we are inundated with new information about what we should or should not eat in order to stave off infection, disease, death, or obesity–and not all necessarily in that order. Usually on the good list: lots of leafy greens, berries, low fat dairy, and so on. Bad list? Eh. Just pick something that tastes good. That should about cover it. 😀 At any rate, via Junkfood Science, I have now learned of another food that threatens to cause the fat to spout mercilessly upon our thighs:

Bread. And not just any bread, folks….thick cut bread.

Go ahead and giggle. I did. And alternately, I thought…mmmmm. Thick-cut bread. *Homer Simpson gargle* Now, as this article addresses thick-cut bread in the UK, I’m unfamiliar of what it’s called there. Here in the states, I think of it as Texas Toast. You know, the extra-thick slices of bread that’s crunchy on the outside but deliciously soft within? Oh, yeah. Damn ambrosia, this stuff’s the food of the gods!

Ahem.

Anyhow, I’m just wondering…haven’t folks already vilified the white bread? Or, y’know, any kind of bread, pasta, delicious starchy thing—you get the idea—already? The whole Atkins thing that folks can’t figure out if it’s even healthy or not? Yeah, that. The article pretty much says that if the bread is cut in thinner slices…folks will lose weight!

Word? Ok, y’all, let’s think about this for a second. If I buy or make a sandwich, and I’m used to it on thick bread, making it thinner is only gonna do one of two things (or perhaps both, on a bad day). It will either piss me off, or cause me to make another sandwich so I can get the amount of bread I want. In addition, how in the world will changing bread thickness do a damn thing to the now debunked obesity epidemic? I’m just wondering. Apparently, so are the English:

Fellow University of Bolton student Mary Hulme, aged 23, of Tonge Moor, said: “Can those in Westminster not actually put in place real policies to help? I have always eaten thick bread and it has done me no harm…”It is ridiculous that thick bread has been mentioned. Are we to be told not to use butter and jam too?”

Man, oh man. You see, part of the reason that folks have such issues with food is because experts always want to put a label on it. It’s either good or bad, and if you just HAVE to eat the “bad” foods, you must eat it in moderation. Because, otherwise, you’re gonna catch the fat, and that ain’t good. Seems to me any food is worth eating in moderation…because it should really be about eating what one enjoys as opposed to what is deemed the “correct” food. And when you get to slapping labels on stuff…food gets to be a lot less enjoyable. It just becomes mechanized and cold…something not to be savored, but only as inconsequential and bland as the fuel we put in our cars. And as a budding foodie (call me the FluffyGourmet!) that prospect is both boring and damned depressing.

And if it is as depressing to you as it is to me, then you do have another option in the War on Fat *derisive snicker*. Log off of MySpace. That should do the trick.

‘Tis The Season…

..for the onslaught of seasonal diet commercials. So, I’m watching my afternoon cartoons (yay SpongeBob!) and suddenly I hear “The 12 Days of Christmas”. But it’s an advertisement for Jenny Craig.  And I’ve been seeing more and more of the “festive” NutriSystem commercial. You know, the one where the ladies are on the stage in their pretty (tight and short) party duds? Le sigh.

When did the holidays become less about Yuletide cheer and more about waistlines?

I mean, as a child, I always welcomed the season. Warm fires, wrapping presents, shopping, and cooking with my grandma. For me, there was no better time of year. Especially because since folks can’t seem to treat each other right the other 10 months of the year (the holidays start in November for me…others it doesn’t begin till December), it seems many people grow a soul the last two months of the year. Despite how ass backwards that whole concept is (and is a subject for another rant at another time) I still loved to see it. It gave me hope for humanity…before I became a jaded adult, that is.

But what do I see now? I see games that “promote healthy eating habits in kids,” news articles that encourage people to “not wait until the New Year to lose weight and be healthy” and magazine articles that help “maintain your diet! Avoid these 348763874563847 foods during your holiday gathering.”  It seems that now the holidays is less about spreading cheer and more about burning fat, maintaining your lack of fat, or avoiding the fat.

Damn, that’s depressing.

How’s about we embrace the message of the season? The fact is, folks will always extend love and kindness to others, for the most part, but leave themselves out of the equation. It’s important to love YOURSELVES too, y’all. And I just don’t mean as far as the toll dieting and extreme exercise can put on you physically. It’s easy to mentally abuse yourself, too. Shopping for that gorgeous holiday gown? You’ll find plenty of things in a range of sizes, but you wish you could fit the smaller end of things. And the mental self-abuse begins.

“Gawd. I look like a WHALE in this dress.” *chunks dress out of dressing room*

“Why doesn’t this fit better? I used to be able to wear this and look good!” *throws dress to floor in huff*

“Why do I even BOTHER to shop. Nothing fits me. I’m so ugly….” *leaves store discouraged*

I’ve been through this, as I’m sure many of y’all have. But what does it get us? Broken hearts, spirits, and psyches. And you wouldn’t do that to your best friend, would you? So why do it to your other best friend…yourself?

Y’all, don’t get caught up in the hype this year. Don’t let your insecurities take over your holiday season, or your spring, summer, fall, or winter, for that matter.

Let there be peace on Earth. And let it begin within.